Lately, there’s been a buzz about celebrating divorces as if they deserve applause instead of sympathy. The idea is that ending a marriage can sometimes be a cause for joy, marking the start of a new chapter rather than a sad farewell. I totally get where this sentiment is coming from. I’ve met many people who have found liberation through their divorces. For them, escaping toxic relationships filled with turmoil is indeed worth a cheer.
But for me? I just can’t bring myself to celebrate my divorce.
Sure, I’m aware that I’m better off without my ex. The divorce meant liberation from lies, infidelity, and a deep sense of disrespect that nearly shattered my sense of self. Yet, it also meant saying goodbye to dreams I had held dear. It signified the end of plans that had been years in the making, leaving those aspirations in tatters when we signed that decree. We lost much more than a marriage; we lost the promises we made to ourselves, each other, and our children.
The Impact on My Children
Speaking of the kids, that’s another reason I can’t throw a party. While some children might find stability after their parents separate, my kids didn’t have that experience. During the awkward initial phase of our divorce, I remember having a hushed phone call with my ex. I was desperately trying to get him to reconsider, whispering through tears that this would be devastating for our kids. He dismissed my concerns, saying, “People get divorced every day. They’ll be fine.”
Fast forward eight years, and while the kids are okay now, it wasn’t easy. They went through a lot of emotional turmoil, dealing with financial struggles, the loss of our family home, and a variety of other challenges. I had to go from being a stay-at-home mom to scrambling for work and childcare, and traditions we once cherished vanished. Holidays became a juggling act of alternating years and feelings of loss.
We faced therapy sessions and academic hurdles. My children, just like so many others of divorce, felt the societal stigma attached to their situation. Every misstep or bad grade felt like a judgement from the world, an invisible “I told you so” hovering over us. I even watched one of my kids battle depression — a heavy burden to bear. Did the divorce cause it? Who knows? But I can say for sure it didn’t help.
My kids had to witness my struggles, seeing me fight to get out of bed some days. The grief of watching a marriage crumble was overwhelming. There were moments when I thought I wouldn’t survive it, but I did rise. I learned to celebrate the small victories: laughing more than I cried, seeing my kids grow into wonderful young adults, and being supported by amazing friends.
I even felt a sense of pride when I tackled that first FAFSA application on my own! I’m all for celebrating the journey of healing and resilience, but the divorce itself? That painful experience that almost broke me? No thanks. If you want to celebrate your own divorce, go for it! I’ll happily join in your festivities. But I won’t be toasting to mine.
Now, Let’s Talk About Those Martinis!
If you’re interested in more on this topic, be sure to check out our other blog posts, including one about terms and conditions and tips on fertility at Make a Mom. For further insights into pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.
In summary, while some might find joy in celebrating their divorces, for me, it’s a different story. I recognize the importance of healing and moving forward, but the act of divorce itself remains a painful chapter in my life that I choose not to celebrate.