Dear Kids,

home insemination Kit

I want to take a moment to say I’m really sorry for having to work. I know it means I have to tuck you in earlier than I’d like because I’m worn out from a long day. I regret that when you’re feeling under the weather, my mind often drifts to whether I can take a day off. I wish I could always be the one by your side when you’re home sick.

I’m sorry I miss those morning chats about your dreams because I’m stuck at work, dreaming about the moments I wish I could share with you. I’m sorry that my lunch breaks are spent with coworkers over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches instead of at home with you. It breaks my heart when your babysitter tells you “Mommy will be home soon,” and you don’t know how much I wish “soon” meant “right now.”

It’s tough to have to discuss grown-up topics like budgets and plans instead of sharing silly stories about butterflies and princess tea parties with you. I wish I could swap my time spent ironing work clothes for racing toy cars on the kitchen floor. It’s hard when work seems to follow me home, and I feel like I’m staring at my computer screen more than I’m looking into your beautiful eyes.

I know it’s frustrating when I say, “Just one more thing for work,” when you ask me to play, or when we can’t sleep in on those cozy rainy days. I wish the weekends weren’t so short and that our evenings didn’t feel like they’re rushing by. I’m sorry that most of the meals I whip up during the week are quick fixes instead of the leisurely family dinners we’d all love.

I feel bad that other kids get to have their moms drop them off and pick them up from school, while my Pinterest board is filled with fun crafts that we seem to never have time to do. It pains me that I may not witness your milestones until later, and I hate having to discuss schedules with your dad when it comes to doctor’s appointments. I wish I could heal your boo-boos with a kiss instead of over FaceTime.

I’m sorry I haven’t hit the lottery or chosen a career with fewer hours and more pay. I wish I could be home more often, but I work hard to provide you with everything I didn’t have when I was a child: opportunities, family vacations, a college fund, and maybe even a few extra dress-up clothes and tea sets. I promise that my time away from you is meant to make your lives better, but the guilt weighs heavy on my heart.

I knew work would be part of this journey when I became a parent, but I never anticipated just how much it would pull at my heartstrings. I didn’t realize how deeply I’d feel the joy of being with you and the heartbreak of being apart. I’m sorry for the guilt I carry; some nights I cry myself to sleep because I feel lost in motherhood.

But, amid all this, I am grateful. I’m thankful that you understand that your mom needs to work. I appreciate how you value the life I’m trying to build for you. It warms my heart that you still call me your best friend, even when it feels like we’re just ships passing in the night. Most of all, I cherish those moments when I squeeze your hand a little too tight, and you squeeze back, reminding me of our special bond.

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In summary, while I may be away working, my heart is always with you. I hope you understand the sacrifices made for your future and know that I love you more than words can express.