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I’m Just Not That Mom
Parenting is a journey filled with its own unique challenges, and I definitely don’t fit the mold of the “perfect” mom. I’m not the type who can spend hours on the floor playing with My Little Pony or building entire worlds in Minecraft. Pokémon? Yeah, that’s never going to happen for me. I fully acknowledge my shortcomings in this department of motherhood.
Thankfully, I have my partner, Alex, who shines when it comes to playing video games and watching cartoons with our kids. It warms my heart to see him and the kids throwing a football in the yard—never in the house, of course! Their playful wrestling and laughter bring me joy, but I often think, “I’m just not that mom.”
I was once a young, soon-to-be mother, filled with both dread and determination to bring my children into this world and love them fiercely. I was a single mom working long hours, yet still finding time for dance parties with my two boys, where our laughter filled the room. Even before their arrival, I was that mom indulging in cherry cheesecake, both for the joy of it and to catch a glimpse of those sweet dance moves.
From the moment I laid eyes on my little ones, I knew my heart would forever belong to them. With each new baby, my love expanded, enveloping us all. As a new mom, I was the one whose sleepless nights were spent gazing at my tiny babies, cherishing those moments of closeness. I still remember them sleeping soundly, looking so cute in their footie pajamas.
I rocked my babies through the night, soothing them with gentle motions and whispers. I was the mom who worried over every scrape and bruise, the one who kissed away the pain. I spent countless hours at doctor’s offices for casts and bandages (safety scissors? What a joke!). I was the mom holding onto your leg during preschool tours and the one who made sacrifices to work from home to be there for you.
I sign all the notes, check homework, and pack lunches. I’m the mom who schedules doctor visits and parent-teacher conferences. I’ve been living in thrift store clothes for ages, just so you can wear the latest trends. I’m the mom who cracks silly jokes and sings off-key, all to see your smiles. Those smiles mean the world to me.
But I often feel like I’m falling short. I battle chronic depression, anxiety, and pain every single day. I’m the mom who has more appointments than a hair salon visit (seriously, when was the last time I got my hair done?). Despite my struggles, I push through daily tasks to provide you with a “normal” life. I’m the mom doing your laundry, paying the bills, and reminding you to practice good hygiene.
I also forget things—like the details of your epic video game adventures or the names of your favorite ponies. Yet, I can instantly sense when something’s bothering you; I’m here to listen to your joys and sorrows, even if my memory fails me sometimes.
I’m the mom ready to fight any battles for you, but I’m also the one who sometimes can’t muster the energy to cook dinner. I allow too much macaroni and pizza rolls into our diet. I’m that mom with piles of laundry, overwhelmed, and needing to take a breather. I shed tears when I feel I’ve let you down.
I lie awake at night worrying about you, wishing I could bottle up all the love you give me for those tougher days. You are the light of my life, reminding me of my strength, and I’m striving to be the parent you deserve, even if I don’t always look the part.
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In summary, motherhood is a beautiful yet challenging journey. I may not be the mom who excels in every area, but my heart is full of love and determination to support my kids the best way I can. Each day brings its own struggles, but my commitment to my children remains unwavering.