5 Surprising Realities Nobody Tells You Before Becoming a Parent

Parenting is a wild journey, and let’s be real—no amount of preparation can truly get you ready for the chaos that follows. It’s a bit like facing a zombie apocalypse with a baby in tow. But it would have been nice if someone had clued you in on these five truths about parenting that can take you by surprise.

1. Baby Poop

Oh boy, the poop situation. No one prepares you for the reality that your new bundle of joy is like a malfunctioning soft serve ice cream machine, spewing out runny mustard-like poop every few minutes. And just when you think it can’t get any worse, you’ll encounter those explosive diaper moments that leave you questioning your life choices.

2. Croup

What is that terrifying noise? At some point during your little one’s first year, you’ll be jolted awake by a sound that makes you think your baby is either about to take their last breath or has been possessed by a sea lion. The sound is often far worse than the cough itself, catching you off guard and leaving you feeling helpless. It’s just one of those bizarre things about babies that nobody warns you about.

3. Night Terrors

What in the world? If you find yourself dealing with night terrors, brace yourself. Out of nowhere, your child may bolt upright in bed, screaming as if they’re in a horror movie. If they’re older, they might insist they’re going to die or have a bizarre rant reminiscent of that weird acid trip from college. You’ll think they’re awake, but they’re not—just in a sleep state that leaves you questioning your parenting skills. Thankfully, they won’t remember a thing in the morning, but you might be left feeling like you need therapy.

4. The Threes and Fours

Oh, the infamous Terrible Twos! But let me tell you, the threes and fours can be ten times worse. Those early years are merely a warm-up for your child to refine their skills in whining and defiance, leaving you on your knees begging for relief. You’ll find yourself wondering where this little monster came from and how you can survive until they turn five.

5. Super Hearing vs. Nighttime Deafness

Is he really still sleeping? You used to be able to snooze through anything, but now you’re like a superhero with bionic hearing. A tiny creak will send your heart racing. Meanwhile, your partner seems to possess an uncanny ability to sleep through anything, even a 9.7 magnitude earthquake. You’ll be up multiple times during the night, only to have your spouse roll over and say, “Wow! The baby slept through the night!” You’ll want to scream but will need to resist—after all, you’ll need their help when that soft serve machine malfunctions again.

For more insights into pregnancy and parenting, check out some of our other blog posts, including one on terms and conditions. If you’re exploring home insemination options, Make a Mom is a great authority. Additionally, consider listening to Cleveland Clinic’s podcast for excellent information on IVF and fertility.

In summary, parenting is a whirlwind experience filled with surprises that no one quite prepares you for. From the unique sounds of babyhood to the challenges of toddlerhood, you’ll find that each phase comes with its own set of trials. But through it all, you’ll grow, adapt, and maybe even come to love the chaos.