When my daughter, Ava, was 13, she would often say, “I want to be like Mia when I grow up.” Mia is a close friend of mine, known for her glamorous role in the entertainment world. She dates a diverse range of men, from adventurous firefighters to high-powered attorneys.
Interestingly, Mia admires our friend Lila, who enjoys the life of a stay-at-home mom with two energetic preteens, a cozy home, and a well-kept garden. Whenever we gather at Lila’s, we indulge in exquisite five-course meals. Her daughters strut around in chic designer outfits, and her sunlit kitchen serves as a hub for coffee chats where we tackle life’s dilemmas.
On the flip side, Lila wishes she could be like me—a working mom with financial independence, martini lunches, and meetings that might involve a few obnoxious businessmen. She dreams of popping a frozen dinner in the oven without a hint of guilt.
As for me? Sometimes, I find myself yearning to rewind to my teenage years and start fresh.
This cycle of envy and aspiration among women has been around for ages. From the moment some women were blessed with curves while others flaunted long legs, the desire to be someone else—to possess what we don’t—has persisted. We often believe that life is always better elsewhere, whether it’s in a different income bracket, at a certain restaurant, or in a particular outfit.
Embracing Our True Selves
So, how can we embrace who we are rather than longing for who we wish to be?
Mia’s mother is a successful journalist, living a vibrant life filled with travel and adventure, having raised Mia solo after an early divorce. Conversely, Lila’s mother dedicated her life to homemaking, creating a warm environment where neighbors gather to share coffee and camaraderie. My own mother worked outside the home starting when I was 12, imparting essential domestic skills that I still lean on—like ensuring I wore proper attire while driving carpool in the mornings. Heaven forbid I’d end up in an accident while still in my pajamas!
Our mothers’ influence is powerful; their words and actions shape our lives. I observed my mother’s dedication to my father, her demeanor, and her approach to small secrets. I recall the way she kissed my father goodnight and her wisdom about never going to bed angry.
Yet, as times change, so do we. Across decades—some sultry, others rebellious—we adapt, retaining what resonates and discarding what doesn’t. The evolution of women’s roles has been remarkable: from gaining the right to vote in the ’20s to entering the workforce in the ’40s, returning home with newfound pride in the ’50s, and making strides for equality in the ’70s and ’80s. The ’90s saw us fighting for autonomy over our bodies, and now, in this new millennium, we’re stepping up as leaders.
As each generation transforms, so do their daughters. It’s a slow yet profound journey. How many of us can see glimpses of our grandmothers in our daughters or pieces of our mothers in ourselves?
“I don’t want to be like you,” Ava would say while tying her thick, curly hair—much like mine—into a ponytail. Standing side by side, I see my eyes and my smile reflected in hers. She may claim she doesn’t want to inherit my traits, but can she really help it? I often catch her echoing my words to her children, words that once belonged to my mother and her mother before that.
Language may shift—“neat” evolved into “groovy,” which turned into “cool” and now includes “LOL” and “OMG”—but the essence remains. We strive to guide our daughters towards living fulfilling lives.
Ava embodies the spirit of the ’60s, the confidence of the ’80s, and the awareness of this century. She is indeed a lot like me—and yet, distinct in her own right. Just as I was with my mother.
Further Reading
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Summary
The article explores the intergenerational cycle of aspirations among women, highlighting how each generation influences the next. It discusses the desires and challenges women face while embracing their identity amidst societal changes. The narrative illustrates the complexity of mother-daughter relationships and the ongoing evolution of women’s roles.