Embracing the Fabulous 40s: Why There’s Nothing to Fear

home insemination Kit

By: Jenna Collins
Updated: Aug. 23, 2019
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2015

I first realized that women in their middle years could feel invisible when I was just a teenager. I remember my grandmother, who was in her 50s, advising me to handle customer service inquiries because I would receive better treatment than she would. She told me that since turning 40, she felt as if she had faded into the background.

As a child, I understood the concept of invisibility. Then, during my teenage years, I experienced the exhilarating attention that comes with youth, so the thought of losing that eventually felt distant and unreal. But, of course, the years rolled on, and at 43, I found myself juggling a newborn and a body that had been through quite the transformation—more like a scene from a historical epic than a graceful transition. After nearly a decade of pregnancy and postpartum life, my wardrobe had shifted to accommodate a new normal that included clothes I would have once found mortifying.

In my early 40s, I worried that having multiple children in quick succession would lead to a permanent invisibility, where maternal obscurity would blend into the invisibility of middle age.

Then one day at a professional conference, I met two remarkable women. One was in her 20s, radiating that youthful glow, a reminder that I no longer fit that mold. The other was in her 50s, tall, elegant, and exuding confidence with her chic gray-streaked hair and stylish attire. I was struck by the fact that a woman with lines on her face could look so beautiful. My colleagues shared my admiration, and in that moment, I found peace. The young woman’s beauty represented a phase of my past, while the older woman’s beauty was a glimpse into my future.

It became clear that my 40s were not going to be a time of invisibility. After my last child was born, I shed the baby weight once more and got into the best shape of my life. I might not turn as many heads as I did in my youth, but I still catch some attention—many of whom are not gray or bald!

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert reminds us that we are all works in progress, often unable to envision our future selves accurately. My teenage self had no idea what life would be like in my 40s, and I’m sure I’ll be just as surprised when I hit 60. But for now, I’m grateful for my fabulous 40s and excited about what my 50s will bring.

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In summary, the 40s can be a fabulous decade filled with growth, confidence, and self-acceptance. Instead of fearing this stage of life, embrace it with open arms and a positive mindset.