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Mysterious Expressions Parents Use
“Great minds, kid.” I find myself saying this to my kids when we share similar thoughts. Sometimes, I jump to “If I had a dollar…” and leave it hanging. On particularly nostalgic days, I might even throw out, “If I had a nickel…” but my kids probably don’t realize that those shiny coins they scatter around the house are actual currency. They seem to value paper cash far more than the clinking metal!
I never finish these sayings because I know what I mean. But do my kids scratch their heads in confusion? They might! Will they end up dissecting these half-finished phrases in college, pondering their meaning? “Great minds…are better than good minds? Great minds…exist in complete skulls? WHAT COULD THIS PUZZLING PHRASE POSSIBLY MEAN!?” Of course, they won’t, thanks to Google. What I’m really teaching them is that their mom is a cryptic enigma, easily replaced by the vast knowledge of the Internet.
Honestly, I don’t even use these expressions for their benefit; they’re more for me. Like many parents, I have my own set of verbal quirks. For instance, when I mean “yes, that’s good,” I might say, “Kool and the Gang.” If I want them to focus, it’s “Ground Control to Major Tom.” And when I want them to calm down, I might say, “Chill, biscuit.” I might as well be speaking a completely different language!
Then there’s my favorite: “It’s your funeral.” I like to use vivid imagery when critiquing their choices. They really need to understand that not wearing a jacket could lead to their untimely demise. “You don’t have to wear a coat to the bus stop, kid. Hey, it’s your funeral!”
Kids often drop slang to fit in with their friends, and it’s no surprise that parents hold onto expressions that leave them baffled. I’ve been trying to decode “gotta see a man about a horse” ever since my dad used it back in the ’80s. Maybe he just wanted to be quirky or had a playful way to mention bathroom breaks.
I enjoy keeping my kids a little confused when I speak. It’s one of the few perks of parenthood, akin to saying “maybe” or “we’ll see.” Or perhaps grown-ups use these phrases to maintain an air of wisdom around our kids. They expect us to have answers, guidance, and even help with stubborn food packaging. They don’t know that sometimes, we struggle with opening a simple jelly jar, too. But saying something like, “this thing is tighter than a duck’s ass, and that’s waterproof!” surely makes them think we’re full of knowledge.
Considering the immense pressures that come with adulthood and parenting—like taxes and signing kids up for pee wee soccer—can be overwhelming. We once munched on half a ham sandwich before realizing the bread was moldy! If we can’t handle a loaf of bread, what hope do we have in raising our kids? Maybe being cryptic is our way of keeping up appearances, creating the illusion that we have everything under control. One day, our kids will grow up and realize we’re just winging it like everyone else.
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In summary, parents often rely on quirky phrases that might baffle their kids, creating an atmosphere where we maintain a sense of authority while navigating the challenges of parenthood. As we balance our own confusion with the expectations of our children, we find humor in our cryptic communication.