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Too Much on My Mind
It feels like there’s just an overwhelming amount of stuff swirling around in my head. Everything’s jumbled together; some bits stack up, while others get pushed aside. Many thoughts are buried deep—forgotten until I need to remember something urgent. Some are neatly filed away for when I absolutely have to pull them out.
Then there are those nagging thoughts that creep in at night, the ones that sit heavy on my chest, startling me awake. Did I reschedule the pediatrician’s appointment for my little one?
At 3:30 a.m., a flood of thoughts rushes in uninvited. Where were these reminders when I needed them? Like when I forgot it was Tuesday and didn’t pack his lunch or fill out the form for today’s school trip. Or when I left behind the buggy and her raincoat. Did I even send that email? I know I jotted down half a list, but where’s the other half?
It’s just so much to juggle. There are packed lunch days, birthday celebrations, medical check-ups, and getting everyone out the door on time—all while remembering my yoga mat and not dropping him off on an inset day. And let’s not forget about organizing childcare for that extra day that I can’t even recall right now. I didn’t mark that on the calendar either.
So, I end up not sending thank-you cards, missing appointments, and ignoring texts. The messages pile up, and I promise myself I’ll catch up when I’m more awake, maybe after my tax return or when I finally get around to tidying the drawer under the microwave. Next Wednesday should work—provided bedtime doesn’t go too late and she doesn’t wake up too early wanting to snuggle.
It feels like everything is slipping away from me, not slowly, but at a pace that’s hard to ignore. Bits of my life float around, teasing me. I know I’m forgetting things; I can’t keep everything straight anymore. Is this what it’s like to care for two little ones? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? A constant state of not being on top of things? Making mistakes on important matters? Running out of time and space to stay organized?
At 4 a.m., I can’t help but think about all the phone calls I didn’t make, the lists I forgot to write, the spare clothes I didn’t pack, and the nursery bag that got left behind. Oh, and the bunny that went missing.
I’m trying to gather all these scattered pieces of our lives and hold them close, but they keep slipping through my fingers. Is this just the reality of parenthood? A slow descent into chaos? I’m not giving in, though. I’m tired, but I refuse to let the mess win. This is what matters most now, and I have to find a way to keep it all in order—today, tomorrow, and next month when it still counts.
If you can relate to this whirlwind of thoughts and feelings, check out our other blog posts, like this one on how to contact us for more tips and insights.