It’s Not a Perfect Marriage, It’s a Marriage That Works

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Recently, I was chatting with my friend Mia about our kids and partners when she mentioned how she wished her marriage was as flawless as mine. I was taken aback because, honestly, my marriage is anything but perfect! If she had seen the ups and downs my partner Jason and I faced early on, she wouldn’t be so quick to call it “perfect.”

In our first year of marriage, we struggled with our past relationship baggage and my unrealistic expectations of what a husband should be. I grew up watching my mom wait anxiously for my stepdad to come home, sensing the tension in the air whenever he was late. Those moments were uncomfortable, and my parents’ constant fighting left me with a jaded perspective on relationships.

Despite my trust issues, I yearned for a relationship and set out to find my Prince Charming. After many misadventures, I finally found Jason, and we got engaged. I planned every detail of our garden wedding, and the day felt magical. However, I was completely unprepared for the reality of marriage.

The disagreements began almost immediately. Why did he hog the covers? Why was he always turning down the heat? I found myself questioning everything from who cooked dinner to whether he actually wanted to be with me. Instead of talking through our frustrations, we fell into a cycle of arguing and making up, which only led to more resentment.

I struggled with feelings of disillusionment. Some days, I could barely stand to look at him. Little things like how he ate or snored drove me crazy. I began projecting my fears of him becoming my stepdad onto our relationship. I didn’t want to face the possibility of failing at marriage or not being the “wife material” I thought I should be.

It took a heartfelt moment with our son, who expressed his worries about us possibly divorcing, to wake me up. I realized I didn’t want to repeat the cycle of dysfunction I had grown up with. Our kids deserve to see what a healthy relationship looks like, so they can have realistic expectations of marriage.

Now, as we approach our sixth anniversary, I can confidently say that our marriage isn’t a fairytale, but it’s ours. I still have insecurities, and we still bicker, but we’ve learned to love each other with our imperfections. We’ve found a rhythm that works for us, focused on making each other happy instead of chasing an unrealistic ideal.

So no, we don’t have a perfect marriage. We have a marriage that works for us. If you’re interested in more about relationships and family dynamics, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination from Women’s Health and learn more about intracervical insemination that might help on your journey.

In summary, every marriage has its challenges, but what matters is the commitment to work through them together. Embrace the journey, and remember that it’s okay if your relationship isn’t picture-perfect.