Let’s Make a Pact to Stop Criticizing Each Other’s Parenting Approaches

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Lately, it feels like there’s a constant debate over which parenting method reigns supreme. Whether it’s helicopter parenting versus free-range, full-time moms against working ones, or traditional versus all-natural styles, the discussion is endless. Frankly, parenting is filled with about a million choices every single day. We often don’t fit neatly into one category longer than a toddler can keep their clothes clean.

Our parenting methods change with our evolving identities and, more importantly, with our children’s unique personalities. They’re not set in stone, and it baffles me that some people think they are.

My style reflects who I am right now. I’d say I’m pretty laid-back, though I can be a bit lazy at times. Yet, I also have a driven and somewhat obsessive side. Generally, I lean towards free-range parenting. I believe in giving my kids space to make their own mistakes. However, I grew up with a mother who was always anxious. She made me watch the Adam Walsh special every year, which instilled a deep-seated fear about abductions. You can imagine, I didn’t let my kids ride their bikes alone until this year—just kidding! But I do allow them treats before bed and let them have sleepovers on school nights. My indecisiveness sometimes means they can get me to say yes to almost anything with a little persuasion. Yet, they also know lying to me will have severe consequences.

Most parents ebb and flow through different styles throughout their journey. I never faced such harsh judgments about my personality, which essentially shapes my parenting, until I became a parent myself. What once seemed charming—my indecision—is now often criticized by parenting “experts” as a flaw. Why do we judge each other so harshly? I know I’m responsible for raising a human, but who’s to say your way is better than mine?

I often learn the most from those whose styles are completely different from mine. Sure, I love bonding with parents who share my methods, but that doesn’t push me to grow. The health-conscious moms have made me more aware of food choices, while the hovering parents sometimes inspire me to get up and play with my kids. I won’t change who I am because of them, but I can certainly learn and evolve.

Judging others without understanding their situations can be humbling. I remember a nosy neighbor asking my friend when she would have kids. My friend smiled and replied, “I just had my third miscarriage.” The same applies to parenting styles. That helicopter mom might be protecting a child who survived cancer, and the working mom could be the family’s primary provider. Parents make choices based on circumstances and countless factors we may never know about.

If we embrace a little more kindness, the parenting landscape could be much more supportive. I don’t need to agree with you to respect you as a person and a parent. Besides, wouldn’t life be dull if we all thought the same way?

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In summary, let’s commit to supporting each other in our parenting journeys rather than judging. We each have our own paths shaped by unique experiences and circumstances, and embracing our differences can lead to growth and understanding.