At the End of Life, It’s All About What’s Best for Them

home insemination Kit

By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: Aug. 3, 2016
Originally Published: Sep. 20, 2015

My dear friend, Jenna, is nearing the end of her brave year-long battle with cancer. From the start, we all knew a cure was unlikely, but some family members still cling to hope even now, 13 months later.

At this stage in life, it’s not a question of if someone we love will face illness and death, but when. If there’s one piece of advice I can offer about navigating this heart-wrenching experience, it’s this: When someone’s life is coming to a close, especially when they can no longer voice their own wishes, you must prioritize what’s best for them over what’s comfortable for you. If you’re fortunate, you may already know their desires for their final moments.

When my father passed away over a decade ago, he had clearly expressed his wishes. As a child, I vividly remember him saying, “If machines are the only thing keeping me alive, turn them off.” It was a daunting thought, but when that day finally arrived, we honored his wishes.

In Jenna’s case, her preferences about end-of-life decisions haven’t been clearly communicated, leaving her loved ones to make difficult choices. Like any family facing this situation, they struggle with the thought of life without her.

It’s important to recognize that what’s right for one family may not work for another. There’s no universal answer, but it requires courage and selflessness to make the right choices. Here are some key factors to consider:

1. Listen to Healthcare Professionals: Throughout this process, both the oncologist and hospice nurse have asked if Jenna is ready to stop chemotherapy, as it’s become evident it’s no longer effective. These medical experts have insight into her condition that many of us may not want to accept.
2. Support Their Choice to Fight: If they want to continue battling their illness, support them while gently encouraging them to heed medical advice. This is their journey, and they should steer their own care. When discussing stopping treatment, Jenna chose to keep fighting for as long as possible.
3. Acknowledge Their Pain: Jenna has been in near-constant discomfort for months. Initially resistant to pain management, fearing addiction, she now relies on her family to make choices that ease her suffering. Help your loved one find comfort in their final days.
4. Respect Their Autonomy: If they are mentally sound, their wishes take precedence over family preferences unless legal guardianship applies. Honor their choices, even if it means they wish to depart this world with dignity before you’re ready to let go. Equip them with the best information possible and ask questions to understand the implications of their decisions.
5. Prepare for Family Disagreement: Even when Jenna can barely move or eat, some family members still believe she needs more treatments. Denial can fuel anger when facing the loss of a cherished person. Stand firm and ask, “Is this truly what’s best for them or for us?”
6. Allow Them to Depart with Dignity: When the moment arrives, let them pass peacefully. Gather loved ones around, allowing healthcare professionals to alleviate their pain. It’s natural to feel sorrow and anger, but don’t let your own emotions prolong their suffering simply because parting is difficult.

The path to the end of life, especially with a terminal illness, is perhaps the toughest journey you’ll ever face. You’ll need to tap into a strength you didn’t know you had. Embrace your sadness, allow yourself to grieve, but always remember to prioritize what’s best for your loved one.

For more insights on navigating such difficult times, check out this informative post on home insemination, and if you’re seeking expert advice on fertility, visit Make a Mom. Additionally, for valuable information on addressing infertility, refer to the excellent resource provided by the ACOG on treating infertility.

In summary, when faced with the end of a loved one’s life, it is crucial to prioritize their needs and wishes, making decisions that honor their dignity and comfort. It’s a challenging yet profound journey that requires strength, compassion, and selflessness.