I recently shared a little confession on Facebook that made me feel like I might get kicked off the Internet or even lose my place in America. I said, “Just made my annual attempt to drink a PSL, and I regret to inform everyone that I still can’t get on board.” I half-expected someone to show up and confiscate my citizenship or thrust me into witness protection.
I braced myself for the inevitable backlash. PSL enthusiasts are a passionate crowd, and they don’t hold back. But when I took a moment to peek online, I discovered I wasn’t alone in my pumpkin aversion. There are others out there who feel the same way, and they have some pretty strong opinions about it, too.
Now, here’s where it gets a bit contentious. You’re either a pumpkin lover or you’re rooting for its quick demise. Perhaps we can all coexist peacefully in the end, but first, I need to vent a little.
To all the Team Pumpkin members out there, I’ll admit it: you win. I totally lose, and you absolutely win without any doubt. Honestly, I envy you this time of year. It must be amazing to be bombarded with new food options in your favorite flavor every few minutes. I love chocolate like it’s my full-time job, but during fall, my options feel extremely limited.
Need proof? Let’s look at my mid-September errands as a case study:
Stop 1: Starbucks
Ah, the birthplace of Pumpkin Spice everything. From Labor Day until Christmas, I know I’ll be ordering the only drink at Starbucks that isn’t a PSL. Today, they called out my drink, incredulously announcing, “Jamie? Your grande NOT PSL is ready!” This was met with shocked silence from the 39 PSL fans ready to pounce on their seasonal fix.
Stop 2: Bagel Store
It’s pretty hard to mess up a bagel, especially in the NYC area. As I waited, I overheard a mother-daughter debate:
“I think I want the pumpkin bagel with plain cream cheese.”
“Or, you could get a plain or sesame bagel with pumpkin cream cheese.”
“Or I could get both.”
It was a tough choice for them. Thank goodness I’d already scored my non-PSL caffeine fix, so I could tolerate their pumpkin predicament without snapping.
Stop 3: Trader Joe’s
I love Trader Joe’s seasonal selections—except for the fact that it seems like 90% of their inventory is pumpkin-related right now. Pumpkin Butter, Pumpkin Pancake Mix, Pumpkin Ice Cream… even Pumpkin Doggie Treats! I can’t wait for the holiday season to roll around so I can indulge in peppermint-flavored goodies instead.
Stop 4: Doctor’s Office
I swear I’m not making this up. While waiting, the man next to me called his daughter to excitedly announce he’d found Pumpkin Spice M&Ms at the store. Seriously? Who’s messing with M&Ms? They deserve better!
Stop 5: The Internet
After completing my errands, I returned home and opened my computer, only to be bombarded with Pinterest emails showcasing their seasonal boards. Guess what’s front and center? Everything pumpkin. I clicked through to see the culinary delights like Pumpkin Cheesecake Crepes and Pumpkin Pie Martinis. Sigh.
Operation Pumpkin Domination seems to be escalating every year, and it’s clearly the new fall trend. But don’t feel sorry for me; I feel worse for apples. Those poor fruits used to be the star of autumn, but now they’ve been overshadowed by pumpkins.
It’s all quite fascinating, really. So, congratulations to Team Pumpkin! Enjoy your moment in the spotlight, because soon enough, the PSL craze will fade, and I’ll be bouncing off the walls with peppermint bark lattes.
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In summary, while PSL lovers have their time to shine each fall, there are still plenty of us who prefer to sit on the sidelines as pumpkins take over.