Hey there, reader! I wanted to take a moment to share some thoughts about navigating the parenting world as a divorced mom. While divorce is increasingly common, it seems that those who haven’t experienced it sometimes forget the unique challenges we face. I find myself frequently dealing with unsolicited advice from friends who have yet to walk in my shoes. It’s frustrating! So, let’s chat about a few things that might help bridge the understanding gap.
When I was married to my ex, I had the luxury of full-time parenting. Making plans for a night out was easy—I’d simply hire a babysitter. But now that I share custody, my priorities have shifted dramatically. Unless it’s a significant event like a wedding, I prefer to spend every possible moment with my child during my parenting time. Sure, I miss out on some fun get-togethers, but I’m okay with that. What I can’t tolerate are the well-meaning but misguided comments from those who just don’t understand.
Here are a few key points that might help you be more mindful:
- Please Don’t Suggest I ‘Just Get a Sitter’
Unless it’s a life-altering event, asking me to find childcare so I can join your girls’ night is a bit much. Not only do I have to pay for a sitter, but it also means sacrificing precious time with my child. My parenting responsibilities shouldn’t interfere with your social calendar. - Don’t Ask Me to Swap Weekends with My Ex
Seriously? Rearranging schedules is no easy feat. My plans, my child’s plans, and my ex’s plans are all interconnected. Please think before you make a request that affects multiple people. - Please Don’t Say I’m ‘Lucky’ for the Break
I do my best to enjoy my time without my child, but it’s not really a break. This is my reality, and I’m making the most of it, not vacationing in paradise. - Don’t Be Upset If I Have to Cancel Plans
Life with kids can be unpredictable. If I have to back out of something, it’s usually because I need to prioritize my role as a mom. I promise I’m not flaking—it’s just how it goes sometimes. - Don’t Assume My Partner Can Take Over Kid Duties
My husband is fantastic, but he’s her stepdad, not her dad. It’s a complicated relationship, and it’s not fair to assume he can step in without considering our family dynamics.
Being a divorced parent with shared custody comes with its challenges, and even though I have a solid support system, I often feel misunderstood. I’m not trying to be a hermit, though! I do enjoy outings with my husband and friends, but I coordinate those around my child’s schedule. If you genuinely want me to be there, please consider my unique logistics.
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In summary, I hope this sheds light on the complexities of co-parenting. My child is my priority, and while I might miss out on some fun, it’s all about making the most of our time together. Your understanding means the world!