Ah, the joys of pregnancy! Here I am, still very much expecting, and let me tell you, it’s getting ridiculous. Each morning, I wake up optimistic and proclaim, “Today is the day!” But come evening, I find myself washing yet another load of clothes soaked in my own pee—thanks a lot, pregnancy. Seriously, baby, just listen to your mother!
Last week, I was convinced my body was finally gearing up for labor after a few bouts of false contractions. I went into my OB appointment all excited, hoping for some serious progress. On a scale from “You’ve got this!” to “Nope, six weeks of no sexy time,” I wondered just how ready my cervix was. Maybe today would be the day!
Spoiler alert: Nope! Nothing had changed except for the fact that my maternity pants are getting stretched to their limits. So, despite my skepticism about alternative remedies, I’ve decided to try every old wives’ tale I could find online to kickstart this labor. Here’s a handy list of what I’ve attempted:
- Pressure Point on My Ankle: What a waste of time! I spent hours watching episodes of my favorite shows while pressing that spot like it was a magic button. Result? A sore ankle and zero labor.
- Fresh Pineapple: I thought for sure I’d be in labor by now, considering I devour a whole pineapple every few days. Delicious? Yes. Helpful? Absolutely not. Just more pee to deal with.
- Intercourse: Supposedly this is a natural labor inducer. Yeah, right! Whoever came up with that must have been really desperate.
- Surrounding Myself with Babies: I thought playing with adorable little ones might inspire my own to join the party. Nope! My baby must be too smart for those tricks.
- Riding a Bicycle: Well, I only managed to sit on one at Target, but if this was a surefire way to induce labor, I should have had my baby by now.
- Going for a Walk: I really don’t feel like moving, but I gave it a shot. Ended up at Target, where I spent way more than I intended—so not a total loss, I guess?
- Spicy Food: I’m a total lightweight when it comes to spice, but I gave it a go. Result? Still waiting for my little one to arrive and a stomach that feels like it’s on fire.
If you were hoping for some magic tips to end your pregnancy ordeal, I’m sorry to say you might be stuck in this waiting game just like me. For more insights about home insemination, check out this resource. And if you’re curious about artificial insemination, Make A Mom has some great kits available. Also, NHS offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, I’ve tried seven different methods to induce labor, and none have worked. I’m still waiting for my little one to arrive and have learned that patience is truly a virtue during this time.