I’m about to dive into some pretty candid thoughts about parenting that might ruffle a few feathers. Yes, I know there’s a chance I could be judged or even lose a friend or two over this, but it’s time to get real. Here’s my truth.
I adore my daughter more than anything else in the world. If it came down to a life-or-death situation, I wouldn’t think twice about giving up my own life to save hers. No doubt about it. But when it comes to the question of whether I enjoy being a parent, the honest answer is often a resounding NO.
I know, that sounds harsh. You might be thinking what many of us moms think when we hear someone voicing similar feelings: “Why would you have a child if you’re not all in?” Or “There are so many women who long for children; how could you complain?” But I urge you to keep reading; you might just find a bit of your own experience reflected in my words.
The reality is, I don’t LOVE the role of parenting. The responsibility of nurturing another human being can feel overwhelming at times. I constantly worry about not raising a child who fits the labels we consider undesirable—like being a bully or a manipulator. I feel the pressure to fill her up with self-esteem and confidence so she won’t look for validation from the wrong sources. I need to ensure she excels academically and that her teachers see her potential beyond her physical limitations. And the list goes on and on, filled with expectations that I, as a parent, feel compelled to meet.
To be completely transparent, it’s exhausting and often heartbreaking. I worry about her eating habits, her social interactions, and whether she’s truly grasping what she learns. When we’re out and about, I find myself on high alert, ready to protect her at all costs. My mind races with “what if” scenarios, calculating how to keep her safe in any given situation.
I face weighty decisions about her health and therapeutic care on a regular basis—those choices could shape her entire future. For example, choosing between using an iPad for communication or investing time and energy into teaching her to speak is a daunting task. It sounds simple, but it’s far from it. I yearn to hear her say “Mommy, I love you” or even “Mommy, I’d rather have a lollipop,” making these decisions feel monumental.
I don’t love this parenting gig. The emotional toll is immense, and I often find myself longing for the life I might have had if I hadn’t become a mother. There, I said it.
Sometimes, I daydream about a life filled with spontaneous adventures and experiences in places like New York and Paris. My fantasy includes a cozy apartment brimming with books and music, where I’m free to explore my passions without the responsibilities of parenthood. I envision nights spent with friends, lively discussions about literature, and the freedom to pursue my creative dreams.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve likely thought about what your life might look like if you had taken a different path. And guess what? That’s perfectly normal. It’s okay to wish for what might have been, even if the “International Being A Mom Is Awesome Club” says otherwise. It’s human to crave a glimpse of a different reality.
However, here’s the twist: while I may not love the act of parenting, I absolutely cherish being my daughter’s mom. If I could go back and choose not to get pregnant but still have her in my life exactly as she is today, I would do it in a heartbeat. There is nothing about her spirit that I don’t adore. Her infectious laughter, her determination, and her sweet kindness make every struggle worthwhile.
This child has taught me more about love, life, and myself in just a few years than I learned in my previous three decades. She’s my inspiration, my challenge, and my greatest joy.
Yet, I won’t pretend that I don’t occasionally wish to see what life might be like if I hadn’t taken this path. And if you’re honest, you might feel that way too. And that’s absolutely okay.
For those of you navigating the complexities of parenthood and considering your own journeys, there are fantastic resources available, like this one for insights into pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re interested in more practical advice, check out this helpful blog post to stay engaged with the conversation. Also, for great products related to self insemination, visit this authority.
In summary, parenting is a complex mix of love, responsibility, and moments of longing for what could have been. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and to dream about different paths while still loving your child fiercely.