I’ve Reached My Limit with People Dictating What I Can Discuss

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We’ve all encountered that well-meaning but slightly out-of-touch relative who inevitably asks an awkward question at family gatherings. We chuckle, roll our eyes, and move on. Someone usually pipes up with, “Oh, Aunt Lucy, you can’t say things like that!” Another chimes in, “Yeah, Aunt Lucy, it’s not the 1950s anymore!” Then we pour another glass of wine, and the moment is forgotten—until the next family get-together.

But now, it seems like it’s not just Aunt Lucy who stumbles into inappropriate territory. It feels as if the entire societal landscape has become one giant minefield of taboo subjects.

It’s as if every article you read warns against discussing certain topics, which, let’s be honest, have been at the heart of human conversation since time immemorial. Here’s a quick rundown of what’s apparently off-limits these days:

• Asking a single friend when they’ll find a partner
• Inquiring when a couple plans to “make it official”
• Wondering when a long-term couple will have kids
• Asking new parents about having another baby
• Questioning parents of three or more about stopping at that number
• Speculating on what last name a baby will have
• Discussing possible religious ceremonies for children
• Suggesting boys play sports or girls avoid them
• Commenting on the merits of breast milk versus formula
• Mispronouncing a child’s name
• Sharing experiences about being a stay-at-home or working parent
• Talking about your kids at work—unless you’re a guy, then it’s seen as charming and relatable.

So, maybe we should just avoid discussing relationships and kids altogether?

Why the Sensitivity?

Here’s the deal: You never know what someone is going through. You don’t know who’s grappling with a breakup, dealing with infertility, or has chosen not to have kids for their own reasons. You also don’t know which parent is anxious about their child’s safety in sports or who might be sensitive about their child’s name, which they took great care in choosing.

But then again, you can’t simply avoid these topics entirely. There’s that colleague who’s been on a string of awful dates, and you want all the juicy details. Or your best friend, who’s finally stepping into motherhood, and you can’t wait to chat about sleepless nights and diaper disasters—yet she’s overwhelmed and not ready to dive into that conversation.

So, How About We Try Waiting?

Wait until they bring it up. Wait until they ask for your thoughts (which might never happen, and that’s perfectly okay). Wait until they introduce you to their baby with a uniquely spelled name (like my child’s name that’s a mere three letters but still gets butchered). Engage in a genuine conversation instead of launching an inquisition.

Or, if all else fails, pivot the discussion to politics—because that’s sure to be devoid of any heated debates, right?

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In summary, let’s be more mindful about the conversations we choose to have. Some topics can be sensitive, and it’s always best to engage with empathy and understanding.