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The Son I Never Thought I’d Have
My little guy hops into my bed at dawn, curling up against me in that adorable fetal position. I wrap my arm around him, inhaling that sweet baby boy scent before slipping back into slumber. It’s a scene I never envisioned, with a child I never anticipated.
With two daughters already, I was completely content. I understood girls, I connected with them (being one myself, after all!). Sure, my girls had their unique personalities, but they were undeniably female, and I cherished our mother-daughter dynamic.
The idea of raising a boy, however, filled me with a mix of fear and uncertainty. Most of the boys I encountered were bundles of energy, often running amok and breaking things. They seemed to have no control over their impulses, and I admired my friends who managed their rambunctious boys so effortlessly, as if they had some kind of superpower. Even the calm boys couldn’t sway me into wanting one for myself; I was happy in my all-girl world.
Then, as fate would have it, I found myself pregnant again. When the 20-week ultrasound revealed we were having a boy, I felt a mix of disbelief and anxiety. I asked the technician if she was certain, and she assured me, “You’ve got your boy!” I smiled, but inside, I was terrified.
I knew I’d love my baby, regardless of gender, but would I actually like him? I couldn’t picture it. I started buying adorable boy clothes, brainstorming names, and praying for the instinct that I believed all boy moms possessed. The worries piled up: What if I got one of those wild, “all boy” types? How would I handle that? What if I messed up?
When he finally arrived, he was a charming little creature—bald and wrinkly, but oh so cute. And just like that, I was head over heels. Maybe it was the contrast to my anxious anticipation, but my feelings for him felt different—this was pure, unfiltered love, a total puppy love that swept me off my feet.
As the years went by, I repeatedly learned how wrong I had been about raising boys. My son embodied the typical rambunctious boy stereotype—full of energy, loud, and always on the move. But he also melted into me when he cuddled, telling me he wanted to marry me someday. That wild energy I feared turned into an expression of his deep love for me, and I found myself loving him just as much.
Friends who had both boys and girls often mentioned the unique bond between mothers and sons, a notion I found hard to grasp until now. While I still cherish my connections with my daughters, the bond I share with my son is something I can’t imagine living without. It’s intense, special, and so very precious.
I realize now that I truly needed to have a boy. My son is everything I expected, but the journey of raising him is nothing like I had imagined. Looking back at my previous contentment with only girls makes me chuckle; I couldn’t be more grateful for the gift of raising this incredible little boy, the one I never thought I wanted.
For more insights about your journey into parenthood, check out this post on intracervical insemination. If you’re exploring options for your family, Make a Mom offers great resources on fertility. And don’t forget to visit Kindbody for excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, a mother shares her journey from being apprehensive about having a son to embracing the unique joys of motherhood. Initially intimidated by the thought of raising a boy, she discovers that her son embodies the vibrant energy she feared, but also brings a deep, affectionate bond that she never anticipated. Through the years, she learns to appreciate the special connection they share, ultimately finding gratitude in her unexpected role as a boy mom.