I Don’t Feel Guilty About My C-Section

home insemination Kit

When I was about 33 weeks along, I had a bit of a scare with premature labor. Thankfully, everything turned out fine, but my doctor warned me that if my baby boy decided to come early again, as long as it was after 35 weeks, I could go ahead with the delivery since he was healthy and large. She also advised me to keep an open mind about labor since my baby’s size could mean I might need a C-section.

Wait, what? After spending the last eight months preparing for a vaginal birth and crafting my birth plan, the idea of a C-section hadn’t even crossed my mind. To ease my worries, I reached out to my friend, Lily, who had both of her kids via C-section. She reassured me that the experience was “super quick” and that her husband was with her the whole time. She said she felt no pain—just pressure—and within about 20 minutes, she held her baby. Honestly, that didn’t sound too terrible! Sure, I knew surgery involved being cut open, but getting your baby in less time than it takes to order a pizza? Not too shabby!

Then Lily looked at me, a serious expression on her face. “But, sweetie, I hope you don’t need one.” Curious, I asked why, and her expression turned somber. She expressed that she felt she missed out on the experience of giving birth because she hadn’t pushed her babies out herself. She felt cheated somehow.

I reminded her that she had two beautiful, healthy children (who are now in fourth and sixth grade) and that was what really mattered. But she insisted that she didn’t feel like she had truly given birth, as if she hadn’t done the work herself.

I didn’t know C-section guilt was a real thing until I started searching for related information online. I found a lot of negativity toward C-sections on social media, with some people labeling them as “the easy way out.” There are even those who believe, for various reasons, that if you have a C-section, you didn’t really give birth. A quick Google search reveals countless discussions on the topic, including notions like “having a C-section isn’t giving birth.”

After my 36 hours of labor (which included 12 hours of premature labor and then 24 hours for the real deal), I can confidently say I don’t feel any guilt about having a C-section. I pushed for a few hours, but then the doctor informed me that every push caused my baby’s heart rate to drop. I could choose to keep pushing, but there was a chance that my son wouldn’t fit through my pelvis, which could lead to an emergency surgery. Or I could opt for a C-section right then and there.

Hearing that my baby was in distress made any thoughts of a “normal” vaginal delivery vanish. All I wanted was to get him out safely!

As I lay strapped to the table, feeling somewhat like I was about to be crucified, not a speck of guilt crossed my mind. After feeling my insides being tugged and pulled for what seemed like an eternity, I still felt no guilt. When I heard the doctor mention difficulties getting through my abdominal muscles and that she had to be careful not to nick my bladder, guilt was the last thing on my mind. The sounds of metal instruments clanging and nurses discussing my blood loss didn’t bother me either.

Then came the moment I’d been waiting for: a massive suction sensation as my son was finally pulled out. Hearing him cry was the sweetest sound, even from a distance as I watched him being cleaned up and weighed. I cried too, but I couldn’t wipe my tears since my arms were still strapped down. It took a little while before I could hold my baby, but when I finally was able to greet him cheek-to-cheek with my husband, it was pure joy.

Suddenly, the drape was pulled down, and I was moved from the operating table to a bed. A nurse informed me that I could finally hold my baby and that we would soon head back to our room—as if nothing had just happened. One moment, everyone was focused on my surgery, and the next, we were being wheeled through the hospital, back to our room.

Processing everything that had happened—the long labor, the decision to have a C-section, and finally holding my baby—took time. Not a second of it was easy or painless, but my son was safe, healthy, and strong, and that was all that mattered to me. I have absolutely no guilt about my C-section.

If you’re looking for more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource for tips and insights. And if you’re curious about at-home options, you might want to explore this guide for more information.

Summary:

In this heartfelt reflection, the author shares her personal experience with C-section guilt, revealing the pressures and misconceptions surrounding different birth methods. After a challenging labor, she ultimately feels no guilt about her C-section, emphasizing that the health and safety of her baby are what truly matter. The piece highlights the need for understanding and support among mothers, regardless of their birthing choices.