Why We Shouldn’t Let Our Kids Head Off to College Until They’re 30

home insemination Kit

The moving truck is parked in our driveway. Boxes, clothes, and books are all loaded up. I stand there, hand in hand with my partner, watching the truck as if it has a life of its own, glowing with possibilities. My body is still, yet my heart and mind seem to be racing ahead, soaring through the skies, then plummeting back down with uncertainty.

Are we really letting her go?

Our 18-year-old daughter is gearing up for her journey from Seattle to San Francisco. She’s taking a gap year before diving into college, working as an intern, and setting off to create her own life, independent from us. I’m filled with a mix of excitement, anxiety, curiosity, joy, and fear. There should definitely be a word for this overwhelming whirlwind of emotions.

Amid the chaos, a few thoughts emerge:

• How can this be acceptable?
• Seriously, we trust 18-year-olds to live alone? What wisdom does an 18-year-old possess? My daughter still struggles with loading the dishwasher. How will she handle her own bills? How can she succeed at work or school when she’s still figuring out what she wants to do? Can she really make all the right choices with a brain that’s still developing? Wouldn’t 30 be a more sensible age for this?

Did I do enough as a parent?

• Did I read the right parenting books? Did I ignore advice that didn’t work? Did I provide the right balance of structure and freedom? Did I teach her about relationships? Did I remind her to be cautious while driving? Did I show her the importance of working hard for what truly matters, regardless of the outcome? Did I help her understand that she is enough just as she is?

Will she be okay?

• Will she make friends? Will she enjoy her job? Will she put in the effort? Will she have fun? Will she drive safely on those busy highways? Will she know when to call an Uber for a safe ride home? Will she stand firm in her beliefs while remaining open to learning? Will she discover her passions and find meaning in her everyday life? Will she experience love and connection?

As my partner and I hold hands in the driveway, our daughter returns from a quick errand in her dad’s car. My car is parked awkwardly due to the moving truck, and as she maneuvers, she accidentally bumps into it. My partner and I exchange worried glances, embrace tightly, and share a moment of understanding.

This jumbled feeling of excitement, anxiety, and love reminds me of when I brought my children home from the hospital. Though my 18-year-old is my stepdaughter, I felt the same emotions with her younger sisters as we buckled them into their car seats. Back then, I pondered, “How is this allowed?” and “Will I be enough for them?”

That’s the essence of parenting—your heart exists outside your body in the form of another person. It’s a love so deep and profound that it transcends anything else in your life. Each day, from the moment they are born, is a narrative of love intertwined with letting go. It’s an indescribable bond, the kind of love that is profound and unconditional.

This isn’t her first car mishap either. In a few weeks, we’ll start searching for a new vehicle—one that won’t be in the hands of a teenager for a while. But hey, there are certainly some perks to letting go.

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