The Unique Challenges of Parenting a Gifted Child

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How can you share the ups and downs of raising a gifted child with fellow moms without coming off as overly proud? We’ve all encountered those people who do the humble brag—“Oh, I’m just so busy packing for our vacation!”—and it gets pretty tiresome. Honestly, I really want to discuss the challenges I’m facing with my son, but my experiences don’t seem to align with what many others are dealing with. That’s where I find the awkwardness.

My youngest son, Alex, is exceptionally gifted. And I’m not just saying that because I think he’s wonderful (which he is, funny and sweet too). His intelligence is one quality that can actually be quantified, though. I can already sense the eye rolls—another mom convinced her child is one of a kind. This is one of the hardest pieces I’ve ever written, and I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging. I’ve taken all the necessary steps to validate his abilities because I wanted others to take my concerns seriously instead of dismissing me as an overenthusiastic mom.

One day, when Alex was around 4 or 5, he asked me, “Is 5 times 5 a perfect square because it makes 25?” His reading skills jumped from not being able to read at all to fluent reading in just a month. While he was “reading” for years, he wouldn’t read aloud until he had the entire text memorized.

There’s smart, there’s gifted, and then there’s this whole other level—where we find ourselves. It sounds impressive, but trust me, I’d consider dialing back some of his intellect if I could.

After just a month in kindergarten, I had to pull him out. Despite loving many aspects of it, he began losing previously learned skills and counting on his fingers. He wanted to fit in, which is understandable, but it was a significant red flag.

So, I decided to homeschool him for the rest of the year, letting him steer our learning journey. We spent an entire month exploring plants, covering everything I learned in high school biology. He even wanted to film his own version of a Bill Nye the Science Guy episode about his discoveries. Then we moved on to the periodic table—not covering every element, but getting through most of it. Quantum mechanics and atomic structure fascinated my 5-year-old, and I bought books and watched endless YouTube videos to keep up.

I love watching the Olympics, not just for the sports, but for the backstories of the athletes. You know those parents who travel all over for the best coaching? I never thought I’d be one of them, but now? We’re seriously considering whatever it takes to give Alex the right opportunities, even if it means uprooting our lives after being in our community for 15 years.

When I chat with other parents at school pick-up, I feel distant. It’s hard to answer questions like, “How’s your kid enjoying Ms. Johnson’s class?” when my son isn’t even in that grade. He skipped ahead, which complicates things. “You must work with him a lot at home!” they say. Honestly, I’m trying to hold him back since skipping multiple grades isn’t really feasible.

“How did he get so smart?” people often ask. It’s a blend of genetics and a supportive environment, just like how I ended up tall. I’m more than happy to talk about Alex—he’s my pride and joy—but there’s no easy way to explain our situation without feeling disingenuous.

When I express my uncertainty, other moms often tell me how lucky I am. That’s not really helpful—it’s important we recognize that everyone’s challenges are unique. The hurdles faced by a child with autism, ADHD, or dyslexia are often met with sympathy, but the struggles of giftedness are less understood. It’s a different kind of challenge that can be just as daunting, like finding appropriate reading materials for a child who reads at a level above many college students.

As a mom raising a unique child, I hope you can listen without judgment. Our difficulties may not seem significant to you, but they keep me awake at night. Finding the right educational fit for my son is as tough as it is for a child who struggles in other ways. I can’t help but wonder what middle school will be like for a kid who’s already smarter than I am. For now, his peers appreciate his youthful energy and impressive vocabulary, and I’m hoping that positivity continues. I just wish he could find common ground with friends who don’t yet grasp his excitement over the latest Nobel Prize in physics announcement.

For more insights on parenting and the unique experiences we face, check out this other blog post. And if you’re curious about alternative paths to parenthood, Make A Mom is a great resource, as is Healthline for information on home insemination methods.

In summary, raising a gifted child comes with its own set of challenges that can feel isolating. While it may seem like a blessing to some, it often leads to unique struggles that require understanding and support from other parents.