Your cart is currently empty!
The Decisions We Face as Single Parents
There’s a revelation I’ve had about navigating single parenthood after 40: it all comes down to choices. I like to refer to this as “OR.”
And no, I’m not talking about the operating room—though let’s be honest, the second half of life might include a few of those visits. I’m speaking about the little conjunction “or.” You know how during a police arrest they read Miranda rights, mentioning that you can have an attorney OR one will be provided? That’s the kind of decision-making I’m talking about.
When a marriage ends, it often leads to making a choice between time OR money. Most of the time, you don’t really get to choose, and sometimes you might find yourself with neither. It’s pretty uncommon for both parties to walk away with a healthy balance of time and finances—unless you’re someone like a celebrity with ample resources. Even those fortunate enough to be well off find that solo parenting typically means your time is stretched thin (especially on days when you have the kids). With that 50/50 financial split in many states, you can expect a leaner bank account, retirement fund, or living space. Sigh. I really miss that vintage couch.
In my case, I ended up with “time” while my ex-partner, Tom, got “money.” I enjoy a less stressful job—at least I did until work became all about paying the bills. Now I find myself having to choose between hosting extravagant birthday parties or living in a decent neighborhood.
Meanwhile, Tom, with the more flexible (and let’s be honest, lower-paying) job, has the luxury of taking the kids to school meetings and doctors’ appointments during weekdays when I’m stuck at the office. Isn’t that just like the old days? The “money” winner gets to take the kids on lavish vacations, buy them bicycles, and be the hero when they want the latest tech gadgets or trendy shoes. Maybe if he had a bit more time, he could’ve done his homework on the not-so-appropriate content in the new video game he just handed to our tween.
Another “OR”: Women over 40 often find themselves choosing between their appearance OR their comfort. This applies to married women too. Gravity is no one’s friend.
At this stage in life, it feels nearly impossible to have both your face and body looking great—unless you’re considering some kind of medical procedure. If you hit the gym regularly and achieve a fantastic physique, you might sacrifice a little elsewhere. It’s all well and good until you catch your reflection and notice the effects of aging. I like to think my lack of dedication to fitness has kept my face looking decent. A little plumpness can be quite flattering, especially as I approach 50.
As a single working mom, I see “OR” pop up in countless aspects of my daily life. I can whip up a delicious dinner OR catch up on my emails. That precious hour between 5 and 6, when homework is usually wrapped up, is prime time for tackling my to-do list. But it’s always a choice. Some evenings, I have to skip the coq au vin in favor of a clutter-free inbox. Other nights, “OR” transforms into “NOR,” and we find ourselves opting for takeout Chinese in the living room.
Speaking of vacations, there are major “ORs” involved there too. When my budget allows, I can choose to take my kids on trips to places I find appealing. (For more on “when my budget allows,” refer back to the time or money dilemma.) I’m grateful that snow-covered cabins are no longer the gold standard for what I consider a vacation.
Still, managing a 1-to-3 adult-to-kid ratio isn’t exactly relaxing, even if the destination is picturesque. I’m always on the lookout for vacation rentals with a stunning view from the kitchen since that’s where I’ll spend most of my time. Not only do I handle all the cooking and cleaning during the trip, but I also get to deal with laundry when we return. It becomes a choice between enjoying the vacation OR relaxing. Sometimes, the trade-off isn’t worth it.
This stage of life is also rife with “AND” situations. You tackle the laundry AND the dishes. Many of us have dealt with this throughout our marriages. But there’s always a glimmer of hope that someone else might pitch in—even if it’s just a fantasy. The mere thought of another adult swooping in to help with housework can ease the burden—paired with a second glass of wine, of course. Now that’s a choice I can embrace! I won’t have to pick one or the other; I’ll gladly take both glasses, thank you very much.
In conclusion, being a single parent over 40 is all about navigating choices—whether it’s time vs. money, face vs. body, or cooking vs. catching up on emails. Although it can be overwhelming, these decisions are part of the journey. If you’re looking for more insights, check out one of our other blog posts on privacy policies, or if you’re interested in resources for pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent site.