6 Pieces of Advice for Those Thinking About Divorce

Since my divorce five years ago, I’ve received countless messages from friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances wanting to talk about their own marital struggles. While I dread these conversations, I also appreciate the opportunity to lend a hand during such a challenging phase in anyone’s life.

After having these discussions repeatedly, I’ve crafted a sort of guide. Here are the six key pieces of advice I share with anyone contemplating divorce.

1. Think Twice Before Deciding

Many people expect me to encourage them to go through with it, but that’s not my stance. Even though divorce was the best choice for me, it’s not necessarily the solution for everyone facing a rocky marriage. Unless there are issues like abuse or addiction, I urge them to reconsider. If children are involved, it’s essential to explore every possible option first. Ask yourself: Do you still love your partner? If not, what would need to change for you to feel that way again? Is your spouse open to seeking help or are they ready to walk away? Would you want your child to have a relationship like this in the future? While some marriages truly should end, many can be salvaged. In fact, three friends of mine ultimately reconciled after our talks, and one even credited our chat for helping him rethink his choice.

2. Prioritize Sleep

A struggling marriage often leads to sleepless nights filled with worry and late-night arguments. For me, this stress led to severe insomnia that left my doctor puzzled. I couldn’t get a decent night’s sleep for years leading up to and following my divorce. I tried everything from sleep medications to melatonin, and even podcasts to help me relax. Eventually, I found that consistent sleep made a world of difference in my decision-making. So, take a break, stay at a friend’s house, or meditate—whatever you need to do to get some much-needed rest.

3. The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

While friends might envy my kid-free weekends, they don’t see the whole picture. Yes, I enjoy more personal time and the freedom to make my own choices, but life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I handle nearly everything for my kids—from finances to meals and appointments. The reality is that some things improve, but others can become more challenging. Plus, dating isn’t as glamorous as you might think!

4. Consult a Lawyer

If you’re still set on divorce after our discussion, it’s time to connect with a lawyer. Meeting with a legal expert can feel daunting, but it’s crucial to understand the process and the financial and custody matters you may face. This step is essential, especially if you anticipate a contentious split, but even friendly separations come with tough choices.

5. Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Help

You don’t have to navigate this alone. I was fortunate to have family support, but I wish I had reached out to friends earlier. Once I opened up, I discovered people wanted to help—whether it was watching the kids, moving, or just being there for a chat. Your loved ones are there for you, so let them in.

6. You Will Be OK

I have a print in my kitchen that says, “Everything is going to be all right. Maybe not today, but eventually.” I’ve encountered some heartbreaking stories—from infidelity to financial betrayal—but those individuals have moved on and found happiness again. It may feel impossible now, but trust me, you will be okay in the long run. Just remember to get some sleep.

For more insights on this topic, check out our post on intracervical insemination. And if you’re looking for expert resources, Make a Mom is a great place to start. Additionally, Resolve provides excellent information on family-building options.

Summary

Navigating the decision to divorce is complex and emotionally taxing. It’s important to think carefully, prioritize self-care, seek legal advice, and lean on your support network. Remember that while challenges may arise, brighter days are ahead.