4 Insights I’ve Gained from Adoption

When adoption comes up on social media, you often see sweet phrases like “born in my heart, not under it” and images celebrating being “chosen” and “blessed.” Yet, beneath those warm sentiments lies a complex narrative of heartbreak—the birth mother who struggles with her choice, and the myriad feelings that accompany those “born in my heart” declarations.

I’m a mom of three—two of whom are adopted (one biological child and two beautiful souls from China). Our last adoption was finalized over two years ago, and honestly? I just see my kids as my kids—no added labels. The initial adjustment phase has faded, and life is, well, whatever normal looks like in our house.

Still, those heartwarming adoption quotes that pop up in my feed resonate deeply with me. Our family has been shaped through adoption, and this journey has taught me so much about myself and life itself. Sometimes I stop and wonder, “How did I end up here?” I know that sounds like a line from a Talking Heads song, but it captures the essence of my unexpected life journey. My 20s were a time of self-absorption, and I never could have imagined the twists that lay ahead.

And that’s perfectly fine.

Adoption has led me down paths I never anticipated, touching every facet of my life. The lessons I’ve learned are surprising, to say the least:

1. Embracing a New Culture

As a white girl from South Texas, my traditions revolved around Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Tex-Mex cuisine. Welcoming Asian children into our family expanded my cultural horizons. While my kids are Texans through and through, their Asian heritage is something I strive to honor daily. I’ll admit, I sometimes feel like I’m falling short on celebrating events like the Lunar New Year and the Moon Festival. Yet, their presence has opened my eyes to a richer world.

2. Understanding Hurt and Healing

I always viewed adoption as a joyous occasion, and while it is, it comes with layers of complexity. People are familiar with postpartum depression, but post-adoption depression? That’s a different story. It’s isolating when others don’t recognize it or think it’s not real. Witnessing the reality of children who remain unadopted during my visits to China has left me heartbroken. Our motivation wasn’t to “save a child,” but the experience shattered me with the stark contrast of happiness and loss.

3. Learning Patience and Diplomacy

I’ve always been the “give-it-to-me-now” type, and adoption has taught me that waiting is part of the journey. It’s akin to a lengthy, unpredictable pregnancy filled with paperwork and uncertainty. I won’t say I’m a paragon of patience now, but I’ve learned to accept what I can’t control. Questions from well-meaning strangers, like “Why didn’t you adopt from your own country?” can be frustrating, but I’ve learned to handle them with grace. Sometimes, a gentle reminder to respect my family’s privacy is all it takes.

4. Recognizing That Adoption is Not Second Best

If I had all the reproductive parts, I might never have considered adoption. There were fleeting doubts about whether I could love my adopted children as much as a biological child. I won’t sugarcoat it: the bonding process wasn’t always smooth sailing. But now, I can confidently say I love my adopted kids just as fiercely as any biological child. Sometimes, the best things come from the hardest journeys.

I often say, “Nothing surprises me anymore,” because life has shown me its fair share of twists. Yet, the adoption experience continues to astonish me. It didn’t just add to our household; it transformed our lives. The most significant lesson I’ve learned is that there’s always more to discover, no matter how long I live. Life’s surprises, especially those that come from adoption, have enriched my world—loudly, messily, and beautifully.

For more insights on home insemination, check out this blog post. If you’re curious about fertility products, Make a Mom offers great resources. And for anyone looking for reliable pregnancy information, this site is an excellent resource.

Summary

Adoption has reshaped my understanding of culture, emotional struggles, patience, and the love I have for my children. It has been a journey filled with unexpected lessons and heartwarming surprises, proving that life can be beautifully unpredictable.