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A Letter to My Second Child
Dear Little One,
I see you there, rolling over with curiosity. As I’m tidying up the mess your big brother made and picking up fruit from the floor, I think, “Way to go! I’m so proud of you!” But did I actually say it out loud? Did I take a moment to express those thoughts to you?
I just placed you on your activity mat for the second time today, hoping to engage with you and talk about those colorful shapes. But then your brother went quiet, and I had to check on him. Sure enough, he’s turned his snack into a mini disaster, scattering puff snacks everywhere. I can hear your sweet coos in the background, but I’m focused on teaching your brother about cleaning up after himself. When your coos turn to cries, I realize I’ve left you waiting for my attention while I help him with the new activity.
I scoop you up, pop in a pacifier, and start naming the animals he’s putting into his puzzle. I glance at the clock and remember it’s time for your first nap. I rush you to your room, change your diaper, and lay you down in your crib, all while thinking, “Did I even say sweet dreams or I love you?” My thoughts are interrupted when I trip over one of your toys, and I’m off to the next task on my never-ending list.
Throughout the day, while nursing you, I’m juggling emails and telling your brother to stop climbing on the stairs. There’s no time for those peaceful, cuddly moments where we just gaze at each other. It’s all about getting things done.
As I prepare dinner, I’m scattered, wondering when your dad will get home. You’re in your exersaucer, playing quietly. I check on you, show you how to press the buttons, and then it’s back to demonstrating fork use to your brother. I can’t help but think about how, when it was just me and your brother, I would sing and dance with him while cooking. Now, I feel the weight of not giving you that same attention. I silently pray that you’ll be just as bright and talented as your brother, hoping my lack of one-on-one time won’t affect you.
Then, your dad walks in, and relief washes over me. He greets your brother and immediately heads to you. Watching you light up with joy makes my heart swell, but I can’t shake the sadness of wondering if I made you smile today. I remember all the giggles I shared with your brother, and I question if I’ve done the same for you.
Evening comes, and we’re rushing through our routines—putting toys away, washing dishes, and preparing for bath time. I lay you down on the floor while I scramble to get everything together for your bedtime. I quickly dress you in your pajamas, turn on the fan, and head to your brother’s room for storytime before calling it a night.
As we finish our last feeding, I hold you close, whispering prayers together. Your dad kisses you goodnight, and I sneak into your room one last time. I kiss your cheek and tell you I love you before closing the door behind me. I take a moment to breathe, feeling accomplished for making it through another day of parenting. I sit down with your dad and share the funny moments from the day before indulging in a well-deserved treat.
Later, as I drift off to sleep, I think of you and your brother. You’re at the top of my prayers, and I find myself asking for grace and patience to be the best mom I can be for both of you. In the back of my mind, I worry if I’m truly giving you everything you need and if you feel the love I have for you.
So here it is: I am immensely proud of you. Today, you rolled over, reached for a toy, and fell asleep without a fuss. You’ve amazed me every single day. You’re one of the happiest babies I’ve ever known, and I’m forever grateful for your easy-going spirit. Your smile lights up my world. You might not know this, but the glider in your room is my favorite place to unwind, where I sit quietly and listen to you breathe, soaking in the calm.
It’s hard to imagine life before you came along. You’ve completed our family in ways I never thought possible. So, I’m making you a promise: from now on, I will give my all to you. Some days, that will mean reading an extra bedtime story or dancing with you around the kitchen. Other days, it might mean rocking you a little longer at nap time. I’m committing to show you my love in every way I can. Even when I’m busy with chores, know that you are always in my heart. I see you.