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A Kind Request from Parents Who Skip Santa
Our family has never embraced the Santa Claus tradition. It’s not that we have anything against the jolly man in red; it’s simply not how we celebrate. We enjoy festive movies featuring Santa (those Tim Allen flicks are a riot), and we love explaining the history of St. Nicholas to our kids. However, we don’t partake in the classic Santa rituals: no cookies and milk, no lists of who’s naughty or nice, and certainly no gifts from the big guy.
I totally understand and respect the countless families who do celebrate Santa (chuckles). Every family has its own traditions, and Santa is a cherished one in many households. I have no qualms with that.
What I do find a bit bothersome is when people ask my kids what Santa brought them for Christmas.
Usually, it’s well-meaning strangers at the grocery store or staff at various businesses who pose this question. I get it—they’re just trying to strike up a friendly chat, which is lovely. But the assumptions behind those questions can be a tad irksome. First, there’s the presumption that we celebrate Christmas, and second, that we participate in the Santa tradition. Is it because I’m just your average white lady in America? Seems a bit presumptuous, doesn’t it?
I realize many folks don’t stop to think about it. Most Americans do celebrate Christmas, and a significant number of parents include Santa in their holiday festivities. But I would never assume that every stranger I meet shares those beliefs.
The real reason the Santa inquiries make me squirm is that they often put our kids—especially the little ones—in an awkward spot. It’s not just an innocent question; it’s steeped in the warmth of the season, wrapped with nostalgic memories and topped with a cheerful smile. When my kids respond honestly—that we don’t do Santa—it often leads to an uncomfortable pause and a subtle change in the questioner’s demeanor. Their truthful answer can feel like a letdown, leaving them burdened with the notion that they’ve spoiled a nice moment.
My kids tend to be a bit shy, so talking to strangers already poses a challenge for them. There’s really no way for them to answer the “What did you ask Santa for Christmas?” question without creating some discomfort. I’ve witnessed it happen time and again. The questioner looks taken aback, and suddenly there’s this weird silence, which makes my kids feel responsible for the awkwardness. It’s a lot to expect from a 5 or 6-year-old to navigate that social dynamic. They look up at me, silently asking, “Mom, what should I say?” I’ve learned to step in and respond for them, keeping things light: “Oh, we don’t actually do Santa,” and then gently shifting the topic. But I dislike answering on their behalf; it just makes everything more complicated.
All of this could be avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about those they don’t know. I’m not suggesting we stop discussing holiday traditions altogether. There are plenty of questions that can be posed without underlying assumptions about beliefs or practices. For instance, “Do you have any exciting plans for the holiday break?” is a perfectly fine question. You can even refer to it as Christmas break if that’s important to you! That way, it doesn’t assume anything about the other person. “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” does.
This is just a friendly reminder. I understand that discussions around “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be sensitive, and many people feel strongly about the Santa tradition. Just remember that numerous families—including those who celebrate Christmas in other ways—might not include Santa in their festivities. So, while your intentions are good, assuming they do could lead to unnecessary discomfort for you and the child you’re asking.
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In summary, let’s foster conversations that include everyone, keeping assumptions at bay. A little thought can go a long way in creating a more inclusive environment, especially during the holiday season.