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6 Parenting Guidelines You Ditch After Your First Child
When my first little one came along, my life revolved entirely around him. Every aspect of my day was meticulously planned around his nap schedule, feeding times, and mood swings. Sure, I had some leeway, but as a stay-at-home mom with just one child, I could easily adapt to his needs, and I was more than happy to do so. After all, a well-rested and well-fed baby meant a happy mom! I admit, I was a bit overzealous—most new parents probably are.
Then came my second child. Just a few weeks in, I found myself strapping him into his car seat while he wailed, all to ensure his older brother made it to school on time. (Is it just me, or do babies universally dislike the car?) Suddenly, I was juggling not only my toddler’s needs but also my older child’s schedule. I quickly learned that if I didn’t ease up on my parenting ideals, we all might end up a little crazy.
Any semblance of perfectionism I had with my first child went out the window. Flexibility became my survival mantra. Now that my second child is 3, I frequently find myself doing things with him that I would have never considered with his older brother. Some of these choices are purely practical, while others stem from sheer exhaustion and the need to maintain sanity.
Here are some of the rules I’ve broken:
- Candy as Bribery
As a new mom, I would have rolled my eyes at parents who used sweets to encourage potty training or to calm tantrums. Now, if my toddler refuses to put on pants as we rush to pick up his brother from school, I whip out my stash of “healthy” lollipops (made with organic sugar, of course). But let’s be real—I’m still bribing him with candy. Sometimes, you’ve just got to do what it takes! - Half-Finished Baby Books
With my first child, every milestone was dutifully recorded. From his first coo to the moment he laughed at the ceiling fan, I noted it all. Now, I’m lucky if I can remember to write down my second child’s first word. I might even have misplaced the baby book! - Relaxed Screen Time Rules
I vividly recall the excitement my first son had when he saw his beloved Max & Ruby on TV for the first time. We waited until he was 2 to introduce screen time. My second child, however, started watching shows the moment he grabbed the iPad from his brother—while I was just trying to cook dinner and keep the house from resembling a tornado hit. - Junk Food Introduced Earlier
My first child thought granola bars were a treat, and it took until he was almost 2 to try ice cream. By the time my second child came along, his older brother had developed quite the sweet tooth. At just 6 months, my younger one discovered his brother’s Halloween stash and was happily sucking on Hershey’s Kisses—there was no going back after that! - Doctor Visits Are Spaced Out
For my first child, every doctor’s appointment felt like a mini celebration. I scheduled them timely, eager to hear how well he was growing. With my second, I sometimes forget to even brush his teeth, let alone schedule dental cleanings. I still ensure he gets his checkups, but let’s just say they aren’t as regular as they once were. In fact, I just remembered that I need to book his 3-year checkup—three months late! - Playdates Are Last-Minute, If at All
My first child had a packed social calendar with scheduled playdates and activities. The second? He’s more of a spontaneous tagalong. While he has friends, his social events are more infrequent, often involving chasing after older kids rather than having structured playdates.
Embracing these little deviations has helped me realize that kids are surprisingly resilient. A little extra candy and screen time isn’t the end of the world, and breakfasting on Pirate’s Booty is hardly a crime. While I still maintain some routines around naps and bedtimes, I’ve learned that it’s okay if my kids skip naps every now and then. My sanity may not always handle it well, but they tend to thrive regardless.
Ultimately, this shift in perspective has made me a better mom. Perfection is not only unrealistic, but it’s also exhausting. My children enjoy my company more when I’m quick to laugh rather than fret over the mess. I still uphold certain standards for their well-being, but I’ve come to understand that there are multiple paths to a fulfilling family life.
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Summary:
After becoming a parent for the second time, many of the strict rules I had with my first child have relaxed. From using candy as a bribe to remembering to schedule doctor appointments, my parenting style has evolved to be more flexible and forgiving. These changes have made me realize that perfection is unattainable, and embracing chaos can lead to a happier family dynamic.