In the Midst of the ‘Should Haves,’ Love is All We Need

home insemination Kit

Tonight, I found myself sitting on the hallway carpet outside my little one’s room, phone in hand, wearing pajamas and with my hair in a messy bun, waiting for my energetic 2-year-old to finally settle down. He was busy giggling and calling out, “Mommy, watch this!” instead of drifting off to sleep. I know I “should” have him trained by now to fall asleep on his own, but let’s be real—“should haves” are just part of my daily life these days.

After a long hour of waiting, he finally dozed off, and I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Glancing at my reflection, I hardly recognized myself. The tired woman staring back was just that—a woman—while I still feel like a kid trying to navigate this chaotic world and figuring things out as I go. I noticed some mildew collecting around the sink drain and sighed, thinking, “I can’t keep anything in order these days.”

This wasn’t always my reality. There was a time when my life and parenting were structured by rules and checklists, ensuring that I did everything perfectly. That’s what it meant to be a good person, a good mom. But then came the years that turned everything upside down, filling my life with “should haves” and “good enoughs.”

My world shifted dramatically during the pregnancies and births of my two boys. There’s a bending and breaking that happens during those phases. Sometimes, those nine months can carry a heavy burden. For instance, less than a year ago, I held my youngest son as he took his last breaths, and just nine months later, I found myself in a courtroom finalizing the end of my marriage—necessary, yet incredibly hard.

This past year has made me all too familiar with pain. Some mornings, I wake up feeling like I’m moving through a fog. My days can be heavy, and the nights often find me lost in my thoughts, reliving moments and planning for what’s next. If I could spend every day in my pajamas, binge-watching Netflix, I would. And if someone could deliver meals to me every day, that would be a dream. Cleaning up after myself? Forget it!

But I don’t have the luxury of slacking off. I can’t just check out of my life or call in sick to my responsibilities. I have a sandy-haired, blue-eyed boy who climbs into bed every morning, murmuring, “Mommy snuggle.” Just five minutes later, he’s tugging at my hand, insisting it’s time for breakfast. I slowly get up, and he looks up at me with those big eyes and says, “Mommy, carry me like a baby.” As I lift him into my arms, I remember that one day, he won’t fit so easily anymore. I breathe in his scent as he rests his head on my shoulder, and in that moment, I know that no matter how little sleep I got or what challenges lie ahead, my love for him is stronger than anything.

This past year has taught me the fragility of life. It can be tough, but it’s also filled with beauty and hope. The tough moments when I feel completely overwhelmed pale in comparison to the sweet moments—like when I’m curled up next to him, singing lullabies, and he wraps his tiny arms around my neck, whispering, “Mommy, I love you.”

Through all my “should haves” and “good enoughs,” I realize that at the end of the day, love is what truly matters. This difficult season will pass, and although the scars may remain, we’ll keep moving forward. Love is enough.

For those looking into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the NHS: Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). And if you’re curious about at-home options, visit Make a Mom for more info on their artificial insemination kit. Also, for more insights, don’t forget to check out this post.

In summary, love is the heart of our journey, even when life throws us curveballs. It’s the glue that holds us together, making it possible to rise each day and face whatever comes next.