“Wow, you’re so lucky to have every other weekend free! I’d give anything for a break from my kids; they’re driving me nuts!”
I hear this sentiment from my friends all the time—actually, all of my friends echo it. They’re still with the partners they had kids with, still returning to their shared home every night. Their husbands are there, sleeping beside them, while the kids snuggle in too. Every night, they get to inhale that sweet baby scent, prepare family dinners, and receive hugs from sticky hands and messy faces. Every night, they can look into their kids’ eyes and know if something’s bothering them or if they’re just fine.
As for me, I share my children 50/50 with their dad. We’ve figured out a routine that works well for the kids, and while we’re not perfect, we try to support one another when needed. Balancing two homes means we have double the appliances—two blenders, toasters, washing machines, and yes, separate bedrooms. Our spaces sit empty half the time.
Every time I say goodbye as they head off with their dad, my heart feels heavy. My arms feel like they’re weighed down, making it hard to move. Worry floods my mind immediately—what if they catch a cold? What if they have nightmares? What if they have a fantastic day or a terrible one? I can’t see what’s happening in their other home. I can only hope they’re happy, and, thankfully, they usually are.
When they return, they rush into my arms, bursting with excitement, chattering non-stop like a bunch of monkeys. “Mom, I got a 100 on my spelling test! Mom, I skinned my knee! Mom, my library book is at your house.” And there’s that phrase—“your house.” Not “our house,” but “your house,” meaning I have my place and their dad has his.
As they chatter away, I can’t help but reminisce about my wedding day, filled with promises of everlasting love. I hug them tight, feeling my heart swell with joy, but the tears often come—not because they’re back, but because I know they’ll be gone again soon. I wipe my eyes, and they curiously ask, “Are those happy tears or sad tears?” I always respond, “Happy tears.” They giggle, as if we share a delightful little secret about my emotions.
So, while I sit next to my friend as she complains about her husband, her kids, and her home, I can’t help but think, “Wow, you are so lucky.”
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In summary, while 50/50 custody might seem like a privilege to some, it comes with its own set of challenges and heartaches. The balance between two homes can leave a parent feeling torn, yet the joy of being reunited with children makes it all worthwhile.