Why We Choose Not to Allow Sleepovers for Our Kids

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I’m definitely not the type of parent who hovers over my kids all the time. Honestly, I don’t even jump up to get them a glass of water anymore—it’s more like, “You’re perfectly capable of getting your own drink! Mommy has important candy-crushing to do!” My parenting style is laid-back, and I like to think of myself as an open-minded optimist. So, it may surprise you to learn that we typically don’t allow our kids to go to sleepovers.

When I say “typically,” I mean that we do permit sleepovers with a very select group of trusted family and friends. These are folks we know intimately and who have demonstrated their reliability in caring for our children. So, our girls are allowed to stay overnight at their grandparents’ place, and that’s about it.

So far, this hasn’t been a problem since our kids are still quite young. However, as my eldest daughter gets older, the issue is becoming more pronounced. Recently, she came home elated to tell us that her friends, the Johnson twins, had decided to throw a sleepover party at their house. I had to explain that, since we’ve never met their parents, a sleepover just wasn’t going to happen. She was disappointed but took it in stride—well, mostly. She did make a dramatic exit, sighing heavily as she left the room.

Then came the birthday party invitation. She practically begged me to say yes before I even looked at the envelope. It turned out to be a sleepover invitation from a girl I had never heard of. Again, I had to explain that while I was fine with her attending the party for a few hours, I would be picking her up later. Cue the waterworks! She cried for what felt like forever, and I got the silent treatment for the rest of the evening. My husband backed me up, which didn’t help ease her disappointment. It was a tough night for all of us.

Later, my husband and I discussed the sleepover issue again. We agreed that we can’t allow her to sleep over at a place where we know nothing about the people. “Our priority is her safety, not just making sure she has fun,” he said. “If something happened, I’d be the one in trouble.” I nodded along, not just for my daughter’s sake but also because I like to keep my freedom intact—let’s be real, jail time doesn’t sound appealing!

I’m not saying my daughters will never experience the joy of sleepovers, but at their current ages (under 13), I don’t trust them to recognize inappropriate behavior from adults or teenagers. Until I feel confident they can handle that, I won’t let them sleep over at just any friend’s house.

I understand that statistics show children are more often harmed by relatives than by strangers. However, I wouldn’t just drop my kids off at the house of any relative, either. My rule is simple: if I don’t know you well enough to feel comfortable, you’re not getting a sleepover. Parenting is all about comfort levels, and right now, my gut says that the only safe places for my girls to sleep are at home or their grandparents’ house.

Interestingly, the parents of the sleepover host turned out to be really nice and understanding when I explained my stance. “That’s totally fine,” they said. “Brooklyn doesn’t like sleeping over at other houses either!” Maybe one day I’ll feel comfortable enough to let my daughter join another sleepover, but for now, I’ll be happy picking her up after a few hours and tucking her in at home.

And who knows? Perhaps my kid will be the one explaining the lyrics of “You’re the One That I Want” to her friends someday!

For further reading on parenting and fertility topics, check out our posts on privacy policies and fertility treatments.

In summary, while sleepovers can be a rite of passage for many kids, my family has chosen to take a more cautious approach, prioritizing safety and comfort over social pressures.