Hello, Leo!

home insemination Kit

Can I call you Leo? I hope so! I feel compelled to start with an apology. After watching your incredible performance in The Revenant, I finally understood the purpose behind the man bun. I admit, I was a bit skeptical during those disheveled, scruffy months. I should have had more faith in you—my bad! And hey, I even get your thing for supermodels a little better now.

But let’s get to the real reason I’m writing: I would love to be your date to the Oscars. Sure, I know you’ll probably be bringing your amazing mom, Irmelin, and she deserves it—she did bring you into the world after all! Still, I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring for fun.

Why would you consider taking a not-so-crazy woman who’s reaching out through a blog? Well, first off, I’m about to graduate with my master’s in marriage and family therapy. So, technically, I’m not crazy—just a bit quirky.

I might not be a model, but I do have blonde hair and, believe it or not, people say I look youthful for my age. I’m 33, which feels like a lifetime ago when I used to think you were too old for me. Funny how time changes perspectives, right?

I’m definitely a fan, but more of a respectful one than a stalker. I haven’t seen every single one of your films—I couldn’t get through Gangs of New York because of a weird thing I have with Cameron Diaz. But I did watch Titanic in theaters 11 times, so maybe that counts for something?

Here are a few reasons you should consider taking me to the Oscars:

1. We share a love for hip-hop! I was thrilled to hear Kanye West performed at your birthday bash—great taste!
2. You love to dance, and I’m pretty sure I could teach you a few moves at the Vanity Fair after-party.
3. My lucky number is 11, just like your birthday on 11/11. Today is the 11th—definitely a sign!
4. I almost became a child actor—got cast in a P.J. Sparkles commercial at age 8, but it never worked out. Imagine the fun we could’ve had!
5. I’m a Detroit Lions fan, even though I grew up in California. And I know you have a soft spot for the University of Michigan—what are the odds?
6. I’m left-handed, which is kind of cool and could be exotic to you. Plus, it means I have a great sense of humor!
7. I promise I’m way more fun than those Jersey Shore folks you partied with. I mean, how could Snooki party with you and not me? Just don’t ever party with the Teen Mom cast—I might not survive that heartbreak.

On a serious note, I know this all sounds a bit fanatical, but there’s one last reason I’d love to accompany you to the Oscars. This is your moment. After years of hard work, you finally have the role you were meant to win the Oscar for. I want to be there to cheer you on and, if needed, to tell the music producer to pipe down during your speech.

Honestly, I’d be just as happy going grocery shopping with you. I’m a California girl, a wife, and a mother of two boys who has worked hard to elevate myself in life. But what really matters is being a good person, and I admire how you strive to use your platform for meaningful causes. You genuinely care about the planet and animal welfare—and wow, you pull it off beautifully!

So, how about it? Maybe we could even go to the Oscars together.

Warmly,
Alison

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination options, check out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination.

Summary

In a lighthearted letter to Leo, the author expresses her admiration for his work and playfully suggests that he should take her to the Oscars instead of his mom. She shares fun facts about herself, highlights shared interests, and makes a heartfelt case for why their pairing would be memorable. The writer concludes by praising Leo for his commitment to important causes, leaving the door open for a fun connection.