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Doughnuts Make Me Cry…And Other Confessions of a Food Allergy Mom
Who knew that a single bite of vegan spinach quiche—made with “creamy cashew cheese”—could send me spiraling into denial? After my daughter Emily was diagnosed with a dairy allergy at just 9 months old, I thought a vegan restaurant would be the perfect choice. No more obsessively wiping down the highchair or sneaking bites of cheesy pasta while she enjoyed her safe meals from home. For the first time, she could choose anything from the menu without me worrying about hidden dairy. I snapped a photo to celebrate her first restaurant meal. She was only 19 months old.
But after that first taste of quiche, hives erupted around her lips. She rubbed her eye, which quickly began to swell. “Eye hurt, mama,” she whimpered. Thankfully, the reaction faded within minutes, but I quickly scheduled a skin prick test with her allergist for the following week, while I clung to the hope that it was just a fluke. Maybe the lemon had irritated her skin?
When the allergist confirmed my worst fears—she was allergic to several tree nuts—I choked back tears. I remember snippets of the conversation: only about 9% of kids outgrow this serious condition, and we’d have to be on high alert for cross-contamination. No more spontaneous ice cream runs or carefree family gatherings. Suddenly, parties, restaurants, and even holidays felt like a minefield.
Friends and family tried to comfort me, reminding me how lucky I was that it was “just” food allergies and not something worse, like cancer. But this was going to be a lifelong challenge for Emily, one that would come around three times a day. If she lives into her 90s, that’s over 98,000 meals—with me only by her side for a fraction of them. The teenage years would be especially risky, as young adults are at the highest risk for severe reactions. The very foods that could harm her would be viewed as harmless by her peers.
Desperate to connect with others who understood, I joined an online support group for parents with children facing food allergies. I found solace in the shared stories of real parents thrust into this world. I was both comforted and heartbroken by their experiences—like the mom who felt relief when a school Valentine’s Day party was canceled due to snow; the dad whose son had a severe reaction after playing near peanut shells; families who were terrified of simply stepping into public places because of contamination risks.
Just when I thought about leaving the group, I came across a post from a new member, devastated after her baby reacted to trace amounts of nuts in her breast milk. She’d done everything right—eating nuts while pregnant, breastfeeding. I could relate all too well. A seasoned member had shared a graphic outlining the stages of grief, giving us permission to mourn the carefree life we had expected. Over the following months, I found myself tearing up at the sight of kids being, well, kids—like toddlers munching on doughnuts or commercial clips of kids devouring ice cream sundaes.
Now, I’m slowly finding acceptance. Food allergies are becoming more common, affecting 1 in 13 children. This means that schools, restaurants, and even airlines will need to adapt. Plus, scientists are working on treatments to lessen the chances of severe reactions. I might even be able to analyze suspicious dishes with portable allergen detectors in the future.
Of course, I didn’t skip the bargaining stage. From the moment the nurse tested Emily, I was hoping for a cure or to be part of that 9% who outgrow tree nut allergies. Until then, you’ll see me at holiday parties with a stylish epinephrine injector holster by my side.
If you’re navigating your own journey, you might find helpful insights on pregnancy and home insemination at Women’s Health. And if you’re looking for more on this topic, check out Make a Mom for expert advice. For further reading, take a look at our post on intracervical insemination.
Summary:
Navigating food allergies can be a challenging journey for both parents and children. The emotional toll often includes stages of grief as families come to terms with the new reality. Support from others in similar situations, along with resources and treatment developments, can provide hope and guidance.