Body Image Concerns: Why My Daughter’s Friend Avoided Snack Time

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My daughter’s friend, Emma, burst through our front door with infectious excitement. She had come over to play with my daughter and her new Barbie Dream House, her energy practically radiating off her. The girls quickly settled on the floor, lost in their world of play. After about an hour of Barbie adventures, they wandered back to the kitchen, ready for a snack.

As is my custom with new visitors, I asked Emma what her favorite snack was. My daughter rattled off a list of 33 things she wanted, but Emma remained quiet, her enthusiasm fading. When I offered her a cheese stick and a juice box, she politely declined, her gaze dropping to the granite countertops.

Something felt off. Why had the mere mention of food silenced this bubbly girl? “Are you feeling alright?” I asked gently. “Just not hungry?”

“I’m fine. I just need to be careful about what I eat. I’ve gained some weight,” she replied with a hint of shyness.

My heart sank, but I tried to remain composed. I assured her we had plenty of healthy options and that I’d make anything she wanted. Then she said something that hit me hard: “My aunt called me fat… but she apologized.”

Those words echoed in my mind, a painful reminder of how young kids can internalize hurtful comments. An 8-year-old feeling the weight of adult judgments, attempting to rationalize the words of someone she loves. Her tiny expression conveyed a world of hurt that her words couldn’t fully capture. The fact that she felt the need to justify it with “but she apologized” made me furious.

I watched as Emma sat there, clearly uncomfortable, while my daughter happily munched on cheddar crackers and slurped juice. I felt a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, helplessness. But I knew I couldn’t just stand by. Sometimes, you need to step in.

“Look at me, Emma,” I said, meeting her hazel eyes. “It’s hard to understand why someone would call you that. That word is mean and doesn’t belong in your vocabulary. You are beautiful as you are—unique and special. I admire your decision to eat healthy, but don’t let someone’s hurtful words define how you see yourself. You are fantastic just the way you are.”

I hoped my words would provide some comfort, but as she left for home, I couldn’t shake her earlier comment from my mind. “My aunt called me fat…but she apologized.”

As parents, we make mistakes. We can lose our tempers or let slip words we wish we could take back. But shaming a child for their body? That crosses a line. I’d rather my daughter learn about self-acceptance than ever hear her refer to herself in a negative way.

Mothering young girls is challenging. They absorb so much from the world around them, and it’s crucial we shield them from harmful messages while they form their own identities. I may not have all the answers, but I promise to always remind my daughter, “You are perfect, in every way.”

For more on parenting and navigating these tough conversations, check out this post from our blog. Remember, if you’re considering home insemination, Make A Mom has valuable resources to help you through the process. And for scientific insights on fertility, Science Daily is an excellent resource.

In summary, it’s essential to foster a positive body image in children. As parents, we can combat external negative influences by instilling self-love and acceptance. Our words hold power, so let’s use them wisely.