How to Avoid Raising a Daughter with Unrealistic Expectations

I remember the moment the ultrasound technician announced I was having a daughter; I didn’t cry tears of joy. Perhaps it was the flood of hormones or the nagging memories of college women’s studies courses that suddenly resurfaced. Instead of feeling elation, I was bombarded with heavy thoughts: “misogyny,” “inequality,” and “the wage gap.” Fast forward a decade, and I’ve welcomed three daughters into the world. That initial fear hasn’t faded, even as I’ve tried to arm myself with countless parenting articles and studies. I’ve compiled a mental list of what not to do as a mother, even if I haven’t always succeeded. Let’s see if you can do better!

1. Don’t Give Up Your Career

I spent a full decade as a stay-at-home mom, which I found meaningful. I tried to instill that value in my daughters, even using the term “full-time care work.” However, a recent Harvard study revealed that daughters of working mothers earn 23% more than those of stay-at-home moms. It felt like a confirmation of my greatest fear—was I setting a poor example? Now, I work from home while the kids are at school, but my daughters still don’t grasp the concept. My eldest recently claimed, “Charlotte’s mom is like you, a stay-at-home mom.” Oops!

2. Avoid Complimenting Her Looks

After reading an article by a well-known pundit, I stopped telling my girls they were pretty. The article linked compliments about beauty to troubling statistics, like how many young women prioritize appearance over accomplishments. Growing up, I saw how beauty can become a slippery slope, leading to pressures I want to protect my daughters from. But honestly, little girls are stunning! Have you seen their flawless skin? They look like they’ve been painted by the masters!

3. Don’t Show Insecurities

Dove once released a poignant ad about moms needing to speak positively about their bodies, knowing daughters mirror our sentiments. After seeing it, I changed my narrative. Now, when my daughter comments on my body, I say it’s my “Belt of Motherhood”—a badge of honor. Sure, it’s a bit of a stretch, but I want to promote body positivity, even if it means I’m not entirely truthful.

4. Don’t Call Her Bossy

When I finally accepted that I might never be a corporate powerhouse, I stumbled upon Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” campaign. It hit me hard! Now when my daughter throws a tantrum over her granola, instead of labeling her as “bossy,” I might just call her a little “difficult.” There’s no need for extra baggage.

5. Let Her See Your Humanity

My mother, a stay-at-home mom, often emphasized appearances, asking if I was the prettiest at every gathering. While she was loving, I don’t want to create that same dynamic with my daughters. They need to understand that we can be complex—feminists who also enjoy being homemakers, and women who embrace their flaws. So, let’s be real, moms! Tell your daughter she’s beautiful, remind her that being bossy isn’t always bad, and if you’re skipping dessert, share why. She’ll appreciate the honesty.

So, go ahead and break the mold. Just steer clear of the Bratz aisle—that’s a slippery slope no one needs to navigate. For more on this topic, check out our guide on home insemination. And for a deeper understanding of fertility, visit this resource that provides excellent insights. Lastly, if you’re looking to boost fertility for men, here’s a great source that can help.

In summary, as we navigate the challenges of raising daughters in today’s world, it’s essential to be mindful of the messages we send. Let’s empower them while also allowing them to see the real, flawed, and wonderful women we are.