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These New ‘Baby So Real’ Cabbage Patch Dolls Are a Whole New Ball Game
Get ready, because a new wave of Cabbage Patch dolls is hitting the shelves, and they’re nothing like the ones we cherished as kids. If you’re considering snagging an old-school Cabbage Patch doll for your little one, that’s cool. Just remember, while they might be rocking the classic version, their friends are likely to be obsessed with the all-new Baby So Real Cabbage Patch Kid. This latest iteration of the beloved toy has gotten a major tech upgrade, making it a bit eerie and entirely different from the dolls of our childhood.
According to an exclusive preview on Mashable, this revamped doll is armed with LED eyes, multiple motion sensors strategically placed on its forehead and feet, and its cheeks even light up red when it’s “sick.” With all these sensors, the doll is practically smarter than your average toddler, able to sense when you’re trying to lull it to sleep. And let’s be real—no modern toy would be complete without a corresponding app that functions like a baby monitor. You can watch the doll on your tablet, see a digital avatar drinking from a bottle, or share a laugh when its feet are tickled. Administer some “medicine,” and watch the avatar perk up.
I can’t help but echo the sentiment of Obi-Wan Kenobi: “These are not the Cabbage Patch dolls you are looking for.” It’s a bit sad to think of what we’ve lost. Today’s kids will know if their doll is “under the weather” thanks to its glowing cheeks, while we had to use our imaginations. We had to pretend our 80’s doll was napping despite those glassy-eyed stares that seemed to peer into our very souls. Plus, we were stuck with the name assigned on the official birth certificate that came with each doll—a fantastic touch. Now, kids can name their dolls anything they fancy. Where’s the fun in that? Are we really trusting tiny humans to name their babies? Expect to see a lot of dolls named “Ice Cream” and “Blue” in the Cabbage Patch future.
There’s no need for technology to be so entwined with a child’s toy. Back in the day, if we wanted to pretend our doll was sick, we just drew some green “vomit” on its mouth. Sure, that meant our doll was “ill” until it ended up at Goodwill, but at least we were actively engaged in our baby’s life. And let’s be honest, baby monitors are inherently creepy. While they help us check if our baby is peacefully dreaming or plotting an early morning wake-up call, do we really want to introduce these high-tech parenting tactics at such an early age?
The dolls we grew up with were perfectly fine. They may not have had Bluetooth capabilities, but they had our hearts—and a hint of mystery stains that gave them that unmistakable scent of, well, motherhood. There’s no need to change something that isn’t broken; perhaps just tone down those creepy doll eyes because, honestly, I might have some nightmares tonight.
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In summary, the new Baby So Real Cabbage Patch Dolls are a far cry from the nostalgic toys of our childhood, with their high-tech features and customizable names. While they might be fun for kids today, they lack the charm of the originals.