Feb. 15, 2016
Every morning, I wake up, groggy and bleary-eyed, and catch a glimpse of the real me in the mirror. She’s the one with sleep-crusted eyes and an uninspired look, a far cry from who I pretend to be. Then there’s my curated self—the one that emerges from the chaos of everyday life, expertly hiding gray hairs and imperfections behind a bright smile and a polished demeanor. This is my social face, the version of me that interacts with the world.
Since stepping into the role of motherhood, I’ve felt a strange need to showcase a version of myself that’s more cheerful, accomplished, and put-together than the reality of my life behind closed doors. This internal conflict is becoming hard to ignore, so I’m laying it all bare. Here’s a peek at the difference between my curated self and my authentic self:
Diet Dilemmas
My curated self praises the benefits of a balanced diet filled with colorful fruits, vegetables, and grains I can barely pronounce. In contrast, my authentic self sometimes survives on a diet of 80% chocolate, coffee, and whatever cookies I can scrounge up.
Parenting Practices
My curated self diligently reads articles on gentle parenting and boldly proclaims my commitment to these progressive methods. But the truth? My authentic self often loses her cool when my child throws a tantrum, my voice trembling with frustration and sounding anything but serene.
Social Situations
When mingling with other parents at the playground or school events, my curated self is chatty and charming. Meanwhile, my authentic self feels like a wallflower, awkwardly trying to fit in with these seemingly cooler moms, reminiscent of my high school days with frizzy hair and the wrong outfit.
Germ Anxiety
My curated self takes a relaxed approach to germs, staying calm when my child picks up a gummy bear off the gym floor or licks the pediatrician’s office walls. But my authentic self? She’s quietly spiraling into panic, frantically searching online for worst-case scenarios—just a touch paranoid, you know?
Grief and Loss
Although my curated self appears to have coped well with losing my mom, my authentic self yearns for her presence and knows the ache of that loss will never truly disappear.
Identity Struggles
My curated self claims to lead a fulfilling life outside of parenting, while my authentic self often feels lost, struggling to reclaim the person I was before kids and worrying about what my identity will become as they grow more independent.
Family Time
My curated self participates eagerly in arts and crafts, library story times, and other enriching activities with my kids. Yet my authentic self often finds her mind wandering, addicted to checking her phone, computer, and an endless to-do list during family time.
Self-Forgiveness
I often tell friends to cut themselves some slack over parenting blunders, yet when it comes to forgiving my own missteps, my authentic self is a harsh critic, often left with emotional hangovers.
While it may feel simpler to navigate life as an enhanced version of myself, I’m beginning to see that hiding my true self—complete with flaws, awkwardness, and meltdowns—means missing out on something significant. We’re all in this parenting journey together, and by connecting authentically rather than keeping each other at a safe distance, we can better understand that everyone faces unique challenges.
Support and understanding are easier to give and receive when we’re true to ourselves. Regardless of our differences, we all love our children and can’t imagine life without them, and that’s the one thing that will always be genuine.
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Summary
This article reflects on the differences between the polished persona we often present to the world and the authentic selves we hide away. It highlights the pressures of motherhood and the importance of connecting with others through our genuine experiences, flaws, and all.