Among fathers who write about parenting, I often feel like I’m alone when it comes to the subject of respect. Many dad bloggers argue that fathers are overlooked as parents and often depicted as bumbling fools by Hollywood and advertisers.
Personally, I’ve never seen it that way. The dads I know are deeply invested in raising their kids and deserve just as much respect as their partners. Sure, there are some stereotypes floating around, but change is happening, albeit slowly. I thought we were moving in the right direction, until a celebrity casually mentioned on TV that he changes his baby’s diapers, and the media went into a frenzy—yes, even the folks over at Home Insemination Kit!
Last week, amid the chaos of Kanye West throwing shade at Taylor Swift, the world erupted in joy when Ryan Reynolds suggested that perhaps dads should pitch in with diaper duty. On Late Night with Seth Meyers, the leading man of the latest superhero flick proclaimed, in all his generosity, that he’s been handling the most fundamental, entry-level task of parenting. And the reaction was over the top.
People acted as if he’d discovered a cure for cancer or single-handedly advanced women’s rights. Here I am, trying to express that dads shouldn’t be so sensitive, thinking that society has recognized how involved we are in our children’s lives. And then Ryan Reynolds takes a small step towards progress that I thought we’d achieved long ago, and it becomes glaringly obvious: dads who change diapers are treated like mythical creatures.
Am I really rethinking my perspective? This is almost as confusing as the fact that a certain political figure is leading in the polls. Are there really so many people living in the dark ages that the idea of a man caring for his own infant seems revolutionary? It’s 2016! Are there men out there who refuse to help their partners—whether right after childbirth or years down the line—so much that it takes a celebrity’s endorsement to shift their views?
Is the bar really this low for fathers and husbands?
In the past, I’ve felt uneasy about receiving praise for my parenting efforts online, because I don’t think I’m all that impressive. But guess what? Turns out I am! I change diapers regularly! I get up to help feed my baby in the middle of the night! I pack my son’s lunches, walk him to the bus, read him bedtime stories, cook dinners, do laundry, sometimes engage in foreplay, and even asked for directions once!
SETH MEYERS, LET ME USE YOUR SHOW TO INTRODUCE THE WORLD TO THIS NEW PARADIGM OF MASCULINITY! I RESPECT AND VALUE MY PARTNER AS A PERSON, AND I PERFORM THE BASIC FUNCTIONS OF PARENTHOOD AS NO MAN HAS BEFORE!
Look, kudos to Ryan Reynolds (my partner is also hoping for a sequel to Just Friends, by the way); he’s setting a decent example. I’m glad he’s diving into this parenting thing alongside his wife, but can we all just take a breath?
If the fact that a dad is “pitching in” is such enormous news, that’s a little disheartening. It makes me realize I’ve been wrong to dismiss my fellow dads when they get frustrated by the portrayal of fathers. Clearly, we still have a long way to go.
Ryan Reynolds may play a superhero on screen, but to the millions of engaged dads in the trenches daily, what he’s doing isn’t super at all. It’s just regular, everyday parenting.
For more insights on parenting and the dynamics of fatherhood, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. And if you’re interested in more information, Make a Mom offers a comprehensive guide on at-home insemination kits, which is another great resource. Also, for excellent insights on pregnancy, visit ASRM.
Summary
In a world where the notion of fathers changing diapers is celebrated as groundbreaking, it’s important to recognize that engaged parenting is the norm, not the exception. The praise for Ryan Reynolds highlights how far we still have to go in normalizing active fatherhood and respecting dads in their roles.