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The Illusion of a Mother’s Love
This piece might not resonate with everyone, but it holds significance for one particular mom out there, and that’s who I’m writing for.
I’m blessed with a delightful little boy, a perfect bundle of joy that I often refer to as my own slice of paradise. He embodies everything I could ever wish for and more. Each day, I strive to provide him with a nurturing, loving environment where he feels cherished and safe.
Yet, I’m not a transformed person just because I became his mother.
I anticipated a change. I thought I’d feel different, but I don’t. I’m still the same woman who married a wonderful partner, held down a job, savored nights out with friends, and cherished sleeping in on weekends.
In the immediate aftermath of giving birth, I found myself waiting. I longed for that overwhelming rush of love that every other mom seemed to experience. But it never came. I remained unchanged.
When doubts crept in, well-meaning messages would echo my insecurities: “Have you ever felt such love?” “Doesn’t he make your heart skip a beat?” “Do you finally feel whole?”
I had imagined that motherhood was about feeling an all-consuming love for a tiny human who depended on you completely. Yet, I felt like I was missing something.
Truth be told, I already felt whole before my son arrived. My husband and I worked diligently to create a loving home, nurturing a life for our little one that would keep him safe and secure. I fought through 38 grueling weeks of pregnancy, and while his arrival was a sigh of relief, my world didn’t flip upside down when I held him for the first time.
Instead, my life simply adjusted.
And so I kept waiting. Waiting for the feelings that would affirm my identity as a mother. They never materialized.
I didn’t feel any different. I was still just me, juggling new responsibilities, sporting a few more wrinkles and some loose skin, while keeping my love for binge-watching reality TV intact. I felt embarrassed—ashamed that I didn’t experience the profound emotions that all mothers were supposed to feel. Ashamed that my life hadn’t dramatically changed, and worried that maybe I was shortchanging my son by not feeling that rush of love.
But here I am, 18 months later, and I can confidently say: I was not failing.
Motherhood is a complex tapestry of emotions: it’s challenging, exhausting, rewarding, and humbling. The shifts within us can be subtle and gradual. I may not feel like a different person, but if I look closely, I can see the changes. I’m more empathetic, kinder, and more understanding of the choices made by other mothers. But fundamentally, I’m still me—and I’m proud of that.
I appreciate my identity as a person, a friend, a spouse, and yes, a mother. I value the fact that I’ve preserved my individuality and can demonstrate to my son that I have my own interests, ambitions, and achievements beyond my role as his mom. I refuse to let other people’s expectations dictate how I feel about myself. For him, and for me, I will navigate this journey in my own way—being unapologetically myself.
If you want to learn more about navigating motherhood, check out this insightful post on intracervical insemination. And, for anyone interested, Make A Mom is a great resource for home insemination kits. For additional pregnancy insights, Healthline is an excellent resource.
In summary, motherhood may not always come with fireworks and dramatic transformations. It’s a journey of small, meaningful changes. Embracing who you are while nurturing your child is a powerful way to forge ahead.