homeinsemination.gay

7 Actions My Toddler Takes That Would Land an Adult in the Loony Bin

—

by

Home Insemination Blog
in

happy babyhome insemination Kit

I have a 1-year-old daughter named Lily, and while she’s undeniably adorable, she has some wild, irrational behaviors that would surely raise eyebrows if exhibited by an adult. Honestly, if I pulled any of these stunts, I’d probably be whisked away to a padded room. Here are a few examples of her antics:

  1. Munching on Mystery Snacks
    Just last week, I was enjoying a game of soccer with my 8-year-old son, Max, when Lily discovered a piece of cat poop in the yard. Without a moment’s hesitation, she popped it into her mouth! What’s even more alarming is that I was more horrified than she was—after all, I wasn’t the one eating feces. It took quite the struggle to pry that turd from her mouth (she was not a fan of my intervention), and then she melted down. I found myself saying, “It’s OK, sweetheart. Just breathe.” Those are strange words to utter after a poop incident! If I ever chomped on cat droppings, I’d expect a one-way ticket to the ER. But with my toddler? I just cleaned her up and chuckled about it.
  2. Nighttime Shenanigans
    Lily is a champion non-napper. She wakes up at odd hours, howling for no apparent reason. During the day, she acts like a tiny dictator, throwing tantrums and speaking in jumbled, furious babble. If only I could pitch a fit like that at the office!
  3. Doodling with Doodoo
    Some toddlers think it’s a good idea to use their own poop as a paintbrush. Seriously, if that isn’t a reason for a straight jacket, I don’t know what is!
  4. Screaming with Abandon
    If Lily wants a drink, she screams. If she’s dirty, she screams. If she just wants to play with my phone, she screams. Happy? Scream! Sad? Scream! Her primary form of communication is an ear-splitting wail. I’ve considered trying this method in meetings or during discussions with my wife, but I suspect it wouldn’t improve either my career or my marriage.
  5. Potty Training Resistance
    Although I know Lily can use the toilet, she shows absolutely no interest. She’s perfectly content to soil her pants and then demand a change. As adults, we’d be mortified to pull that kind of stunt. Picture this: I’m at Target, and instead of walking to the restroom, I just squat and let it all out, crying for someone in a red shirt to change me. That’s a surefire way to get kicked out and possibly committed!
  6. Biting Phase
    Lily has developed a penchant for biting. Enough said.
  7. Face Exploration
    This little one loves to touch faces. Sometimes it’s a sweet caress, but other times she’s tugging at my lips or poking her fingers in my eyes or mouth—usually with sticky hands. If a stranger dared to invade my personal space like that, I’d probably flip out! But when it’s my toddler, I can’t help but see it as an adorable sign of affection.

All things considered, I’m hopeful that these phases will pass as we move beyond the toddler years. For more insights on parenting, check out one of our other blog posts on home insemination. And if you’re curious about fertility resources, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent place to start, along with Make a Mom for your at-home insemination kit needs.

Related Topics: