When it comes to raising gifted children, many believe that parental pressure and constant oversight are essential. However, psychologist Clara Adams has a refreshing perspective: nurturing your child with love and support can be far more effective than relentless pushing.
In an enlightening article for The Observer, Adams emphasizes that the environment in which children are raised plays a more significant role in their success than genetics. She introduces the concept of “carrot or stick,” arguing that achievements stem from nurturing rather than coercion.
Adams shares a personal story: “As the only son among four sisters, my father treated me differently. Despite my struggles in school, he consistently encouraged me to believe in my intelligence, and eventually, I thrived.” This illustrates how our children absorb both our positive and negative traits, shaping who they become.
She critiques the “Tiger Parent” approach by referencing sports superstar Alex Johnson, who, despite being pushed hard by his parents to excel in basketball, later faced personal turmoil. Adams suggests that his struggles might stem from the immense pressure to succeed without the balance of joy and personal choice.
In contrast, she highlights the success of the Reed sisters, raised by a psychologist who believed in making learning enjoyable. Their father, David Reed, treated chess as a fun game rather than a chore, and as a result, all three daughters became chess grandmasters without the heavy burden of expectation. They thrived because they were allowed to explore their interests in a positive environment.
Implementing a Nurturing Approach
So, how can we implement this nurturing approach in our own parenting? Adams advises that the key lies in fostering joy over pressure. If your child enjoys a certain sport or hobby, encourage them to pursue it without the stress of high expectations. Celebrate their victories, but also remain calm if they don’t achieve perfection.
Adams warns against forcing children into activities or adhering to strict routines that can create anxiety. Instead, she suggests focusing on their accomplishments without pushing for flawlessness. For instance, if your child scores 98% on a math test, resist the urge to ask about that elusive 2%.
Most importantly, it’s crucial to nurture a growth mindset in your children. If parents and educators avoid labeling abilities as fixed, kids are likely to perform better. Adams concludes, “Believing in your child and providing the right tools for success in what they love—without being an overbearing presence—is the way to go.”
While this approach sounds straightforward, witnessing overly intense parents at youth sports games can make it clear that a relaxed attitude isn’t instinctual for everyone. Nevertheless, it’s a philosophy that could transform our parenting for the better.
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In summary, nurturing your child’s interests with love and support—rather than pressure—can lead to genuine success and well-being.