Why I Don’t Hesitate to Discuss Sex with My Kids

home insemination Kit

By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: Aug. 26, 2019
Originally Published: Feb. 29, 2016

My 3-year-old, Max, has taken to potty training like a fish to water—minus the whole clothing situation. He struts around the house in his birthday suit, which leads to some interesting inquiries amid his attempts to conquer the potty, splash his superhero Legos in the sink, and collect stickers like a pro.

“Mommy,” he asks, “when does my penis turn into a vagina?”

Some of his questions crack me up, like that one. Others are more straightforward, such as inquiries about what his scrotum is or why Daddy has hair near his penis. While many parents might feel uncomfortable, I view these questions as golden opportunities to educate him about his body.

I respond with clarity and honesty, hoping he absorbs the information:

• Nope, you won’t get a vagina. Boys have penises, and girls have vaginas.
• Your poop comes out of the small hole in the back.
• Daddy has hair there because that’s what happens when boys grow up.
• Your scrotum is the pouch that holds your two testes.

Of course, his curiosity doesn’t stop there. He wants to know about the testes and their function. So, I take the chance to revisit our earlier conversation about how babies are made.

“Remember when I said a little piece of mommy and a little piece of daddy mix to create you? Well, your testes are where those little daddy pieces are made, but you won’t make them until you’re older.”

Some explanations are a bit trickier, but I do my best. We’ve got a few illustrated books—some tailored for kids, others more general—that cover reproduction topics. Max is fascinated and begs to read more. He enjoys the illustrations of sperm and eggs, and how cells multiply to form a fetus.

I see this early dialogue as planting seeds (pun intended!). I want the “sex talk” to be a continuous conversation, not a one-time awkward chat. I aim for them to grasp the basics early on and to keep expanding their knowledge as they grow. I don’t want them to think of these topics as taboo or strange.

I start these discussions as soon as they show interest, which was around age two for both my boys. They want to know where they come from, the names of their “private parts,” and their functions. I’m thorough and direct—nothing is skipped or glossed over.

You’d be surprised by how much little ones can absorb. If you keep it simple and maintain a straight face (which can be a challenge!), they’ll treat it as naturally as learning about how flowers bloom or how to mix cookie dough.

The discomfort lies with us adults, not the kids.

Here are a few reasons why I begin these conversations early:

• I want to instill a sense of body respect and comfort in their own skin (body shame can surface way too young, even for boys).
• I aim for them to respect the bodies of future partners.
• I want them to feel safe reporting any inappropriate touches without shame or embarrassment.
• I prefer they hear about sex from me and my husband first, rather than on the playground, from TV, movies, or the internet, where they are likely to get misinformation and develop a skewed perception.
• I want them to know they can come to me with questions as they grow older. Sure, there’ll be a natural shift to discussing things with peers during their teenage years, but I want them to feel comfortable seeking my guidance when needed.

My 9-year-old son, Jake, now has a solid understanding of bodies, sex, birth, and even menstruation. He may not grasp every detail, but we’ll keep the conversation going as he approaches puberty.

When I mentioned I was writing about early discussions on sex, I asked him for his take on the pros and cons of our family’s approach.

The upside? “It makes me smarter.”
The downside? “It might be gross.”

Fair enough, I thought. So, I asked him if he really finds the topic gross.

“Nope,” he replied.

And that, in itself, reinforces my point. He knows that understanding our bodies, even the most intimate aspects, isn’t anything to be embarrassed about; it’s completely normal.

As for Max, I doubt he’s fully grasped that his penis won’t magically transform into a vagina, but we’re working on it. Next time he asks if I have a hidden penis somewhere, I’ll do my best to stifle my laughter.

If you’re interested in more insights on this topic, check out this article from one of our related blogs. For anyone curious about starting their own family journey, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource. And for those considering fertility treatments, March of Dimes offers excellent guidance.

Summary:

Engaging in open discussions about sex and body awareness with children from a young age can foster a healthy understanding of their bodies, respect for others, and create a safe environment for future conversations. By answering their questions honestly and providing resources, parents can demystify these topics and help children navigate them without shame or fear.