When my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade, one of the first steps we took was to enroll her in therapy. This suggestion appeared frequently in my research about parenting a child with ADHD. The goal was to provide her with cognitive strategies to improve her focus and impulse control. While the therapist was wonderful and my daughter enjoyed her sessions, I didn’t notice any significant changes in her behavior after nearly a year of weekly visits. Today, she is thriving, but it wasn’t the therapy that made the difference for her — it was my own journey in therapy that truly impacted her progress.
In hindsight, I realized two crucial things I had overlooked. First, I was overly optimistic about how much my seven-year-old could absorb from a 50-minute weekly session with a therapist, especially given her unmedicated ADHD. She was often more interested in the toys in the office than the strategies being discussed. Second, I initially failed to recognize how much my own mindset and actions affected her. I tended to view her as a challenge to be resolved, rather than understanding that she needed support in a different way.
As I learned more, I recognized that I needed to adjust my expectations. Instead of trying to make her fit in with her peers, I needed to adapt our environment to meet her unique needs while also equipping her with the tools to manage her behavior when necessary. This was not something that could be achieved through a single weekly therapy session.
Given that I spent the majority of my time with her, I realized I was the one who needed to develop the skills and support to help her thrive. I needed to learn how to implement effective reward systems, set appropriate boundaries, and model emotional regulation. I was also responsible for advocating for her rights as a student with ADHD when meeting with her teachers.
This journey highlighted the importance of parental support. I had to confront my guilt for moments of frustration, feelings of inadequacy, and fears about her future as a child with ADHD. Therefore, when parents reach out to me for advice after reading my articles, I always emphasize the importance of therapy for them rather than just for their child. Parents are on the front lines, absorbing the information necessary to guide their children through the challenges of ADHD.
While therapy could certainly be beneficial for children with ADHD, prioritizing parental support is crucial. It’s similar to the advice of securing your own oxygen mask before assisting your child. My daughter was spending time alone with her counselor, and I received brief summaries of their discussions. In retrospect, it might have been more beneficial if the counselor had included me in the process for mutual education.
Ultimately, it was the extensive reading I did, the insights I gained from my own therapist, and the camaraderie I found in support groups with other parents that enabled my daughter to develop essential skills. Parenting a child with ADHD requires a unique approach, and I learned that it was I who needed to adapt and grow to best support her.
Summary
Therapy for children with ADHD is valuable, but parents need support too. The author reflects on their experience with their daughter’s ADHD diagnosis, emphasizing the importance of parental development in managing the challenges ADHD presents. By understanding their child’s needs and seeking therapy for themselves, parents can become better advocates and supporters for their children.