We Skip Date Night and That’s Totally Fine

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We Skip Date Night and That’s Totally Fine

by Emma Richards

Updated: Aug. 25, 2020

Originally Published: March 6, 2016

For this year’s Valentine’s Day, my partner and I decided to indulge in some pizza. As we adjusted the highchair for our squirmy toddler and buckled him in, we exchanged knowing glances, chuckling about the romance we were forgoing. While most couples we know were enjoying a fancy dinner, we opted for a casual evening filled with family time.

Bringing our son along for our Valentine’s celebration might raise a few eyebrows, but for us, it’s just another day. In the past year, my partner and I have gone out alone only twice, and believe it or not, we’re completely fine with our dateless lifestyle.

Before our little one arrived, we were bombarded with advice from well-meaning family, online articles, and seasoned parents who insisted that having a regular date night should top our priority list post-baby. They advised us to find a reliable sitter, schedule a night every other week, dress up, and escape the house. We were told to reserve this time for romance, leave our phones behind, and engage in conversations that didn’t revolve around our child.

While the concept of date nights sounded appealing, those who emphasized their necessity made it clear that skipping them could spell disaster for our marriage amidst the chaos of parenting. I was fully on board with this plan before my child was born. We decided on Thursdays as our date night, aiming to start when our son turned a month old. I even picked out a chic black dress that would flatter my postpartum figure.

But then, chaos ensued. My son was born in January, and the whirlwind of new parenting took over. It wasn’t until nearly May that my partner and I remembered our date night intention. We talked about how delightful it would be to have a night out, but my son, who was the size of a 9-month-old, was still nursing like a newborn. He took a bottle during the day with his sitter, but as soon as I walked through the door, he clung to me until bedtime. Eventually, we accepted that our date nights would have to wait. I felt a little twinge of disappointment, but surprisingly, our marriage didn’t seem to be falling apart.

By fall, my son had cut down on nursing, but we had established a lovely bedtime routine filled with books, baths, and snuggles. He was going to bed like a champ, but only if my partner and I were the ones putting him down. We were committed to gentle parenting and had decided long ago that we’d never let our boy cry it out. So, we postponed our date nights yet again, hoping for a bit more independence at bedtime. While I yearned for some quality one-on-one time with my partner, I was relieved to find that our relationship was thriving, despite our lack of nights out.

By the time my son turned one, he was nursing just a few times a day and was happy to settle down for sleep on his own. He had become a delightful little human, full of laughter and curiosity. Although I occasionally worried that I was jeopardizing my marriage by opting to stay in, a chat with my partner revealed that he felt just as content.

Now, at two years old, our son is still a joy, and my partner and I can’t bear to miss a single evening with him. As working parents, we spend all day away from him with a nanny, so it feels wrong to hand him off again during our precious evening hours. I have no issues with those who religiously schedule date nights; I’m genuinely happy for them. But I wish the world understood that you don’t need a designated date night to maintain a happy marriage.

We spend plenty of time together as a family. We share dinner every night, and after our son is tucked in, we often stay up chatting, playing cards, or watching movies. Sure, we may be in our pajamas, but quality time is what matters. We also have a blast out and about with our son along for the ride; pushing a stroller doesn’t mean we can’t connect as a couple. There are countless ways for a marriage to flourish, so if you, like us, prefer to treasure family time, rest assured, you’re likely doing just fine.

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Summary:

This article embraces the idea that skipping date nights doesn’t equate to an unhappy marriage. The author shares her experience navigating parenthood with her partner, highlighting their choice to prioritize family time over traditional date nights, proving that quality connections can thrive in different forms.