Sleep-Deprived Parents: There’s Hope, But It’s Not What You Expect

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My first child, Leo, would only doze off if I cradled him in one arm, much like a football. My partner, Sara, and I divided the night into shifts. She usually took the first half until around 3 a.m., then I took over. Those nights were long and filled with blurry TV shows, where I dreamt of some miraculous solution to my baby’s sleep struggles. Like most parents, we were on a quest for the ultimate fix.

We started with the infamous cry-it-out method, which is often touted as the go-to solution when your little one refuses to sleep. It was hands down the most challenging thing I’ve faced as a parent. Sara and I argued for weeks—she felt it was cruel, while I, with bloodshot eyes, tried to make sense of my exhaustion. I was a college student, juggling work and classes, and I often found myself dozing off on public transport, waking up in random places. “I can’t keep doing this,” I confessed.

Eventually, we decided to give it a shot. We placed Leo in his room and let him cry. I occasionally comforted him without picking him up, which was torturous. Listening to your child cry while doing nothing is heartbreaking. I’ll admit, he did start to sleep better—for about a week—until norovirus hit us like a freight train.

Once he recovered, he was back in my arms at night. Strangely, I didn’t mind as much. Holding him was far less painful than the cry-it-out method, and I vowed never to let him cry again.

Fast forward to today; we have three kids—two girls and a boy—and I haven’t resorted to the cry-it-out method with any of them. We’ve tried a myriad of sleep techniques, from strict schedules that never seemed to stick to essential oils that worked about as well as snake oil. We even tried skipping naps, which was worse than you can imagine—like running a marathon with a cranky toddler in tow.

We’d wait for that drowsy look and drop everything to get them to sleep, often sacrificing dinner or my college assignments to wrestle a squirming child. We’ve slathered them with various aromatherapy lotions—lavender, chamomile, ylang-ylang (whatever that is)—only to find that the rubbing usually resulted in giggles rather than slumber.

What infuriated me most about these so-called sleep solutions was that the parents recommending them swore by their effectiveness. When they didn’t work for us, I often questioned if something was wrong with my child.

Our middle child, Mia, would only sleep in her high chair with soft music playing and no one in sight. It was a bit unconventional, but I reassured Sara that there was no way Mia would be in college still sleeping in a high chair. I was right; my two oldest, now 9 and 6, go to bed at a reasonable hour. Sure, they don’t always want to sleep, dragging their feet and protesting, but by 8:30 p.m., they’re usually out, leaving only our youngest, nearly 2, still awake.

To get her to sleep, I play “Baby Einstein: Lullaby Time” on repeat, clear the room, and hold her on the couch for an hour or more. The movie is a bizarre mix of toys and soothing classical melodies, and sometimes it feels like I’m on a surreal journey, thinking, “The train moves in a circle. I get it now.”

During those long nights with my youngest, I can’t help but think about how both older kids eventually figured out the sleep thing. Yes, it took longer than I’d like. There were moments when Sara and I exchanged some pretty unkind words, fueled by sleep deprivation. But I remember assuring her that Mia wouldn’t always need her high chair to sleep.

As much as I want my toddler to sleep, I also know that, eventually, all my kids will learn this skill. It took time, and I’m sure there are parents reading this, perhaps even a “sleep expert,” eager to share their advice. To them, I say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” This isn’t for you.

This is for the parents battling those little wrigglers—the ones who refuse to succumb to sleep. The long nights are tough, but take heart. Your children will eventually sleep through the night. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. While other methods may or may not work, the real magic lies in unconditional love and patience. And I’m confident you have plenty of both.

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Summary

Navigating sleepless nights as a parent can feel overwhelming, especially when conventional sleep solutions seem ineffective. The journey might be long, but with love and patience, children will eventually learn to sleep through the night. This article serves as a reminder to parents that hope is on the horizon, even in the most exhausting moments.