The other evening, my daughter, Emma, excitedly told me she had crafted an amazing card for Valentine’s Day.
“At school,” she added, beaming with pride. “I made you a really cool Valentine’s Day card at school!”
“Wow, that’s fantastic!” I replied, impressed by her foresight.
“Oh wait,” she corrected herself, eyes sparkling. “I meant Mudder’s Day! I made you a card for Mudder’s Day.”
Her enthusiasm was contagious, and nothing could dampen the spirit of Mudder’s Day, Valentine’s Day, or any holiday for that matter.
As a kid, I too felt that same sparkle during holidays. Mother’s Day was magical—a blend of unicorns, lollipops, and daisies. It was a day filled with dandelion bouquets, handmade cards, and gifts crafted from macaroni, yarn, and enough glitter to make a craft store blush. I was lucky to have a beautiful, though ordinary, childhood. Mother’s Day meant love, devotion, and the essence of motherhood wrapped in joy.
Back then, the idea that Mother’s Day or motherhood could have a darker side was unfathomable. It would be like discovering that the Easter Bunny was a secret love child of Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Absurd!
However, as I matured and experienced life, I became acutely aware of the complexities surrounding Mother’s Day for many women. For some, it’s truly a delightful day, just as the commercials portray. Yet for others, it’s a day filled with sorrow, longing, and sometimes bitterness. It can be a chaotic mix of joy and regret—a muddy trek through the trenches of emotions.
Despite what I believed as a child and what advertisers want us to think, there’s a significant undercurrent of pain for many on this day. Some friends are grappling with the loss of their mothers, facing their first Mother’s Day without them or dealing with the ache of being motherless for years. There are women whose dreams of motherhood have been dashed due to infertility, miscarriage, or other unexpected turns of fate. Some lack a partner to share the joys and burdens of motherhood, while others may have challenging or estranged relationships with their mothers. And let’s not forget those mothers who have faced the unimaginable loss of their children far too soon.
I won’t pretend to fully comprehend what it’s like to navigate Mother’s Day with that heavy heart. Sure, I’ve faced disappointments and holidays that didn’t go as planned—because let’s be real, every birthday, anniversary, and major holiday can be a breeding ground for unrealistic expectations.
But my disappointments pale in comparison to the deep pain many feel. I’m fortunate to have a mother I deeply respect and a supportive husband who makes me feel valued every day, not just on Mother’s Day.
I haven’t experienced the loss of a parent or child, and while I understand the heartache of infertility and miscarriage, those struggles are now behind me. I can’t fully grasp the disappointment or heartache you might feel this Mother’s Day, mixed with the overwhelming gratitude and love that often accompany it.
So, I won’t offer empty platitudes or clichés. I won’t tell you to cherish memories or that everything happens for a reason. I won’t say things like “at least…” or try to provide some spiritual rationale. You don’t need another blog post about a mother’s love—believe me, you’ve read them before.
What I want you to know is this: I see you, and I hear you.
I see the shadows in your eyes, and I hear the regret in your voice. I recognize your mother’s smile, forever missed, reflected in the faces of her grandkids. I see the fierce love you have for the child you hold close because of the one you’ve lost. I hear you lingering on the phone, reminiscing about the incredible woman your mother was. I notice how you shower your nieces and nephews with attention that, as parents, we sometimes can’t spare our own kids due to the chaos of life. And I hear your silence when discussions turn to motherhood and maternal themes.
While I may not know your specific struggles, please understand that I see you and I hear you.
Happy Mudder’s Day. Happy Muddy Day. Or heck, Happy Valentine’s Day—whichever resonates with you. Just know that you are seen, you are heard, and you are loved.
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Summary
This piece reflects on the complexity of emotions many experience on Mother’s Day. It acknowledges both the joy and heartache that can accompany this day, recognizing the struggles of those who are grieving, dealing with infertility, or facing challenging relationships. Ultimately, it offers a message of understanding and support, emphasizing that everyone’s experiences are valid and seen.