Why I’m Frustrated on Mother’s Day

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This Sunday, families all over the United States will come together to celebrate Mother’s Day. I’ll be joining in the festivities with my own mom, my mother-in-law, and my kids. Yet, this year feels different. There’s a nagging discomfort in the air. To put it bluntly, I’ve been reflecting on how this country treats mothers, and it’s making me irate.

America’s treatment of mothers leaves much to be desired. Let’s kick things off with childbirth. Despite pouring more cash into healthcare for expectant mothers than any other nation, we somehow manage to have one of the highest infant mortality rates in the developed world. And maternal mortality rates have shot up significantly over the last decade. It’s no surprise that mothers from lower-income backgrounds—who often lack access to quality prenatal care—are disproportionately affected.

According to the 2020 U.S. Census, roughly 37 million people live in poverty here. But the impact hits mothers and their children hardest. Most single-parent households are led by women, with about 30% of families headed by single mothers living in poverty. The kicker? A staggering 11 million American children are growing up in poverty.

These are kids of mothers just like us—mothers who worry if their children will have enough to eat at night. Not just a few unfortunate souls you might see asking for change on the street. We’re talking about millions of moms, millions of kids, right here in our country. It’s infuriating. This isn’t a political argument; I don’t care about who’s on the left or the right. As a mother, I refuse to accept that so many children are struggling. It disgusts me.

Initially, I wanted to vent about my own trials as a mom—the endless hours of exhaustion and my longing for a few hours of peace on Mother’s Day. But the more I pondered my grievances, the more I realized they stem from a place of privilege.

My two-year-old might not sleep through the night, but he does so in a warm, comfortable room with clean blankets and a safe roof over his head. When he’s sick, we can hop into our trusty (if somewhat dented) old Honda and see a doctor who accepts our insurance—and if we need medication, it only costs us a few bucks.

I complain about the chaos of toys scattered everywhere, but that’s because my kids have more toys than they know what to do with. I fret about screen time, but I should appreciate that we have a plethora of devices, including a TV, a gaming console, and tablets—way too many, if I’m honest.

Like many middle-class families, my own has faced financial challenges. We became parents right as the Great Recession hit, and it hit hard. A few years back, while I was pregnant with our second child, my partner lost his job due to funding cuts in his education program. For a year, we relied on food stamps, but even that fell short. During that time, I was riddled with anxiety about our living situation and our future. Yet, I never once worried about my children’s survival or health. We had some savings and family who could lend a hand if needed.

That said, I’m not downplaying the struggles of middle-class mothers. I’m allowed to express my fatigue and isolation. I certainly deserve flowers, breaks, and that elusive spa day. But I approach these requests with humility and awareness of my position of privilege as a white, educated, middle-class woman.

At the end of the day, regardless of our backgrounds, all mothers share the same fundamental desire: for our children to be happy and healthy. And that wish weighs heavily on our hearts. Happiness is elusive, and even with all the resources in the world, good health isn’t guaranteed.

So, to all the mothers out there, I wish you a Mother’s Day filled with fewer worries and a bit more tranquility. I hope your children shower you with love and joy in whatever forms they can muster. But I can’t shake the feeling that we need more—a kinder, more supportive America. We shouldn’t have to wait for essential changes like paid maternity leave, universal healthcare, and accessible nutritional programs for low-income families.

Meanwhile, mothers across the nation are tirelessly doing their best, pouring their hearts into their children despite the circumstances. They are resilient, even when they feel like they’re falling short. But love and respect only go so far when basic needs are unmet.

This Sunday, I’ll be celebrating mothers everywhere, honoring their love and strength. But I’ll also take a moment to grieve for those who are struggling. I’ll be brainstorming ways to contribute, to advocate, to fight for change in my community alongside my kiddos.

For more insights into these issues, check out this enlightening resource on pregnancy and home insemination from Hopkins Medicine. And if you’re looking for ways to support your journey, Make A Mom offers valuable information on fertility boosters for men.

In summary, Mother’s Day is a time for celebration, but it’s also an opportunity to reflect on the systemic challenges facing mothers today. As we honor the love and resilience of mothers everywhere, let’s also commit to advocating for a more equitable future.