The Ups and Downs of Parenting Without a Safety Net

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When my partner and I embarked on our parenting journey, we found ourselves in a new state, far from friends and family. It was challenging, but things really intensified as our family grew. Juggling pregnancy with multiple toddlers was no easy feat, and there were days when I wished I could hand my kids over to someone—anyone—for just a brief moment to recharge. I often felt like I was treading water, waiting for the moment I’d start to sink. Yet, somehow, I never did. Over time, I’ve learned to navigate our unique situation because, well, it’s all I’ve ever known.

Parenting without a support system is largely a matter of perspective. It’s a bit like viewing a glass: is it half-full, half-empty, or just shattered on the floor? Raising young kids without a safety net can be a mix of all three: optimistic, pessimistic, and strikingly realistic—much like a toddler learning to use the potty.

The Glass is Half-Full Most of the Time

Nobody’s meddling. If you come from a family that loves to offer unsolicited advice, this can be a relief. We can raise our children our way, without anyone hovering over us to point out our mistakes. Even if family visits sometimes bring their opinions, we know they’re only temporary.

My partner and I lean on each other. The absence of nearby family means we’ve had to become a tight-knit team. We communicate and adapt our roles to support one another, even on the days when teamwork feels like a chore.

There are no expectations. Some weekends, we just want to lounge around. So, we do. No one will judge us for skipping a long drive to a distant birthday bash. Plus, the chances of someone “popping by” from halfway across the country are about as likely as finding a unicorn.

It’s just us, our little family unit, crafting our own traditions.

The Glass is Half-Empty on Certain Days

Finding time for myself is tough. When you have kids, self-care can be a daunting task, and without regular help, it feels nearly impossible. Organizing childcare for a date night or even a solo trip to the library can take months of planning. Most nights, my “me time” consists of writing after the kids are asleep, which is often from 9 p.m. to midnight. I savor every minute—even if it’s just a brief coffee break.

There’s no comfort in knowing someone is just a call away. On particularly overwhelming days, when tears seem imminent, it’s tough to accept that there’s no help coming to rescue me from the chaos of three energetic toddlers. It’s not exactly a fairy tale ending, but a good cry and a deep breath can sometimes do the trick.

Dropping them off at a relative’s house is out of the question. A road trip to Grandma’s is a 12-hour trek, and honestly, who has the energy for that?

Loneliness can creep in. For all the joys of our little family, isolation can be a real struggle, especially during special occasions like birthdays and holidays.

The Glass is Shattered on the Floor

We all have those days, whether or not Grandma lives next door. When all the kids are sick at once, I fantasize about escaping. I’ve even pulled out a suitcase, only to have someone promptly throw up in it. Those moments make me wish more than anything for a helping hand and a chance to breathe once they’re well.

Adjusting to a new baby is a challenge. No amount of well-meaning advice can create a parenting schedule. Sure, a supportive friend could take a feeding or two, but they aren’t exactly around the corner.

Feeling overwhelmed is a universal experience. I haven’t faced it too often, but when it hits, it’s exhausting. In those moments, even a casual coffee chat with a friend would feel like a lifeline.

Cancellations from babysitters can also throw a wrench in our plans. The one I’d booked months in advance for our first night out in ages? Yeah, they often bail at the last minute, and without family nearby, we have no backup. Sure, relatives can flake too, but not as likely on a special occasion.

Almost six years in, I still find myself wishing I could call my sister-in-law for a visit or just drop the kids off for a morning. But through it all, I’ve discovered a deep reservoir of strength within myself. This journey of parenting without a safety net has taught me resilience, and I’ve adapted because I’ve had no other choice. This is my reality.

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In summary, parenting without a support system can be a wild ride filled with highs and lows. While it can be rewarding and liberating, it also comes with its fair share of challenges and loneliness. Ultimately, the experience shapes us, revealing strengths we never knew we had.