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Most of us have that one friend who has been there through thick and thin. The one who stood by you during your awkward childhood years, with braces and oversized glasses. For me, that friend is Alex. Two years ago, she relocated from New York City to London, promising to return for a month-long visit every summer. Then COVID struck, and those visits were put on hold.
Finally, thanks to vaccines and testing, she was able to return this summer. But as summer flew by, we had only managed to meet once. Neither of us felt upset about our limited time together; Alex was juggling a whirlwind of family and friends, and I was still rebuilding my life after losing my husband three years ago.
Then Alex mentioned she was free on Wednesday and suggested, “Come into the city. Let’s make a day of it!” My body reacted instinctively with tension and heat, making me feel like I needed to cling to my chair; anxiety kicked in. Initially, I replied “no.” I expressed my eagerness to see her, but my anxiety flared up at the thought of heading into the city. In the past, I might have concocted an excuse to justify my “no,” but I was too honest with Alex, who knows me well.
After a moment, I told her I’d think it over and get back to her. Anxiety often leads me to decline invitations, and since becoming a young widow, that inclination has intensified. I’ve come to realize that the world can be a threatening place, and the more joy you experience, the greater the potential for loss. Staying within my comfort zone feels safe, and I’ve learned to forgive myself for the times I say “no” when I should embrace opportunities.
That evening, I contemplated my decision. If I didn’t see Alex now, it could be another year before I had the chance. I’ve learned that time is precious and regret can be a heavy burden. I resolved to evaluate each reason that was driving my “no” to see if any were truly insurmountable.
First, I had to consider transportation. Normally, I’d use public transit, but this time I’d need to drive. Driving in NYC is a challenge, to say the least. Yet, I reminded myself that I had navigated that route before. Yes, it’s stressful, but I understood what to expect, and a two-year hiatus wouldn’t change that.
Next, I considered traffic. I planned to leave after rush hour, which I could control. Even if I got stuck in traffic, I reassured myself that I’d be fine. My kids wouldn’t be waiting at home, and my dog would only require a longer walk and some treats upon my return.
Parking was another concern. The thought alone sent my anxiety soaring. But what if I allowed myself to splurge on a parking lot for a few hours? It could be worth it for a long-awaited visit.
Finally, my biggest worry was stepping outside my comfort zone. I felt secure in my neighborhood, but I acknowledged that safety is often an illusion. Bad things can happen anywhere, even at home.
Ultimately, I asked myself: when Wednesday turns into Thursday, will I regret not going? Would my fears overshadow potential joy? I called Alex and said “yes.”
The journey was not without its challenges. Shortly after hitting the highway, a sudden downpour made driving treacherous. My heart raced, but the storm passed quickly. Traffic became an issue as Waze rerouted me through the city, which was another stressor.
However, once I arrived, I spent precious time with Alex, enjoying lunch outdoors and catching up on all the moments we’d missed over the past two years. That day rejuvenated my spirit; it was a reminder that saying “yes” can lead to unexpected joy.
I may not start saying “yes” more often than “no,” but this experience taught me that sometimes, I can overcome my anxiety and embrace opportunities. And my dog was thrilled with the extra-long walk and snack when I returned home.
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Summary
This article explores the internal struggle between anxiety and the desire to connect with loved ones. The author shares her experience of overcoming anxiety to accept an invitation from a long-time friend, ultimately finding joy and fulfillment in the encounter. It’s a powerful reminder that while anxiety can often dictate our choices, embracing opportunities can lead to meaningful experiences.