I’ve been there. I’ve confidently declared it about my kids when they were tiny. I boldly proclaimed it when they were toddlers. I boasted it when they hit preschool and then elementary school. I said it with assurance when they entered middle school. And yes, I even shamelessly uttered it when they began high school.
That infamous phrase you should never say as a parent? “My kid would never do that.”
I repeated it often, blissfully unaware—or perhaps just naïve—because life hadn’t thrown me a curveball yet, and I genuinely believed it wouldn’t. I mean, I’m a stellar mom, right? Great parents don’t raise kids who make foolish choices or engage in ridiculous behavior. You know, the kind that has you gasping and shouting, “What on Earth were you thinking?!” Great moms and dads only produce perfect, flawless children.
Which is precisely why I echoed that sentiment over and over without a second thought.
Then, life knocked me off my high horse. I was humbled, mortified, and ashamed—my worth as a mother put to the ultimate test. I regretted ever uttering those words.
But I had said it so often, and it felt good until reality hit. Now, I’ve learned my lesson and vow never to say, “My kid would never do that,” again.
Listen up, parents of the straight-A honor roll kids. It’s easy to observe life from the comfort of your bubble, thinking your family is immune to the pitfalls that others face. You might casually stroke your child’s head while gossiping about what little Timmy did at school, and slip in that phrase, “My kid would never do that.”
It’s a common misconception that your parenting shields your children from peer pressure, reckless choices, and less-than-stellar behavior. But I’m here to tell you that’s just not true. Kids are, well, kids. And no, that’s not an excuse for bad behavior; it’s simply an acknowledgment of their developing brains and the reality of free will.
Most adults struggle to make rational choices, yet we expect our kids to always get it right?
You might be one of the lucky few who have raised a seemingly perfect child, but if you’re like the rest of us, you’ve found yourself staring at a bewildered teen while gasping, “You did what!?” Welcome to the club. Pour yourself a glass of wine, and let me assure you: this too shall pass. Honestly, I’d be more concerned if my kid had never faced any bumps along the way rather than if they learned from their mistakes.
Some of life’s greatest lessons often follow the biggest blunders. Even the most well-behaved, polite kids may surprise you with choices you’d never expect. More often than not, it has little to do with your parenting.
If you’re nodding along because you’ve already learned this lesson and have tossed “My kid would never do that” out of your vocabulary, do me a favor: don’t keep it to yourself. Share your experiences with other parents about the tough times we all face, and stop pretending to be the perfect family.
Engage with your mom friends, especially those yet to navigate the tumultuous teenage years. Remind them that when we shield our kids from epic failures, we deny them the chance to bounce back stronger.
Encourage those moms who believe it could never happen to them—the teenage rebellion, the risky choices, the declining grades—that this reality could indeed hit them too. As a community, let’s refrain from judging families struggling with their kids and instead offer support and understanding.
Because truthfully, we’re all just one poor decision away from that “other family” and “that kid.” And that family? They deserve compassion and help, just like we do. So instead of saying, “Not my kid,” try this instead: “That could easily have been my kid. Now how can I help?”