Dear Mom Friend,
I see you.
Today is Mother’s Day, and maybe someone is whipping up breakfast for you, or perhaps they’ll surprise you with a tray of goodies in bed. You might even receive some flowers or a special trinket. And I bet there are those adorable macaroni cards waiting for you downstairs. While these gestures are lovely, I know they won’t wash away the weight you’ve been carrying.
What you truly long for is recognition. You need someone to acknowledge the daily battles you face. You, the resilient mother, who silently hopes that someone will swoop in to ease the burden, even if just for a moment.
I see you. If no one else does, I want you to know that I do. I can tell that you haven’t felt this way in a while.
As women, we’re conditioned to make it all seem effortless, to fulfill expectations with minimal complaints. In contrast, many of our partners often take things at face value, which leads to a rift, regardless of how hard we try to keep things balanced. Motherhood is undoubtedly a gift, but it’s also a challenge that our partners may never fully grasp.
That’s what we’re told, right? Motherhood is a gift. Yet, there are days when you’d trade it for a moment of peace. Good luck trying to squeeze a 4-year-old back into your body, though!
Maybe it’s your partner causing the frustration this week. You’re utterly exhausted, yearning for a nap so badly that your body just takes one during a rare day off when they’re home, and instead of understanding how desperately you needed that break, they’re annoyed about being left alone with the “work.”
I see the contrast between your roles. Your partner gets applause for attending a karate lesson, while you’re judged for simply craving a quiet moment after a marathon of laundry and comforting a sick child. But I see the concern etched on your face. I see you welcoming your feverish child into your bed, knowing it means more laundry. And I see you shifting over so your partner’s space remains undisturbed.
Maybe it’s your parents adding to the stress. Perhaps your mother insists on questioning your every decision, or your father seems uninterested in you or your child. I recognize your fear, but you are not them. You are so much more.
Sometimes, anger bubbles up, and you feel like you might snap. But you don’t. You haven’t, and you won’t. Of course, you fear it, but I see the calmness that tempers your impulse time and again.
It’s perfectly okay to have moments where you resent this motherhood journey. It’s even alright to feel frustrated with your child from time to time. Love and hate can coexist. You understand that from your own upbringing. You’re channeling that understanding to strengthen your child. When she pauses mid-tantrum to declare, “Mom, I love you so much, but right now I’m super mad at you,” you’re teaching her emotional intelligence.
I see the weight on your shoulders as you strive to raise a kind, brave, and generous little human. Remember, you’re going to mess up. A lot. And your child will witness those mistakes. Don’t hide them. Own them. Show her how to learn and grow from her own blunders.
Right now, though, you’re making a mistake. Yes, you’re feeling overwhelmed, but that’s not the issue. You’re being hard on yourself. Again. You’re too close to the situation to see clearly, clouded by fatigue and past grievances. But I can see it: the bond you share with your child is irreplaceable. You are her truth.
I see the pride light up your face when you say, “My kid is amazing.” And she is, truly. Deep down, you know you’ve helped shape her into who she is. I see it in her laughter. I see it when she carefully picks up fallen toys or offers to help when someone is hurt.
I see your struggles, your determination, and how you keep pushing forward. I see how invested you are in her growth, how you want her to be strong and resilient, even if it leaves little for yourself. And I want you to know: you’re doing just fine. Not only your best but enough by any measure. Most importantly, you’re enough for her.
So, dear friend, this Mother’s Day, my wish for you is clear: may you find the clarity to see yourself as I see you—enough. And may you drift off into a peaceful sleep, secure in that truth.
For more insights on family and parenting journeys, check out this excellent resource on in vitro fertilisation and visit Make a Mom for expert advice on your paths to parenthood. And don’t forget to read about our other blog posts here to keep the conversation going.
Summary: This heartfelt letter addresses a friend grappling with the challenges of motherhood on Mother’s Day. It acknowledges the often-unseen struggles mothers face, the societal pressures to appear perfect, and the importance of recognizing one’s worth. The letter serves as a reminder that love and frustration can coexist, and that it’s essential for mothers to be gentle with themselves while navigating their parenting journey.