After spending nearly a decade managing the chaos of parenthood, I’m finally gearing up to dive back into the professional world. It took a lot of nudging to get me here—after all, who would want to hire someone who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to skip showers for days and who uses “sugardoodle” as a colorful alternative to traditional expletives? Yet, here I am, swapping my yoga pants for office attire, dusting off my briefcase, and pondering whether pantyhose are still a thing in corporate life.
Before my big day, my partner reminded me to keep my “mom instincts” at bay when dealing with adult situations. With a mix of excitement and nerves, I’ve made a mental note to steer clear of these potential faux pas:
1. Avoid Time-Out Threats with Co-Workers.
As tempting as it might be to channel my inner mom and threaten a co-worker with a time-out for minor infractions, I doubt HR would appreciate such a move. Sure, I’ve perfected the “scary mom” glare, but it’s probably best to save that for my kids.
2. Skip the Over-the-Top Praise.
When my boss shares news, resisting the urge to exclaim, “Wow, that’s awesome! Great job!” is crucial. While this might be second nature when talking to kids, adults might take it as sarcasm, which could lead to misunderstandings or even, dare I say it, termination.
3. No Napkin Wiping During Lunch.
Even if my colleague Sam can’t keep his lunch off his trendy beard, I must refrain from grabbing a wet wipe to clean him up. This isn’t a playdate; I need to keep my personal space intact.
4. Keep Third-Person References at Bay.
Picture this: I’m in a heated discussion with a colleague over printer supplies, and my response is, “Alex isn’t happy with that!” It’s a surefire way to earn some side-eye from my peers and make myself look ridiculous.
5. Leave the Sticker Charts Behind.
As fun as it would be to bring in sticker charts to motivate my team, I doubt anyone older than nine would be thrilled with that approach. Maybe I’ll stick to bringing in donuts instead—everyone loves free snacks, right?
6. Avoid Bribery at All Costs.
No matter how stressful the environment gets, I must resist the urge to resort to bribery. Offering a cheese stick or stale jellybeans for good behavior won’t cut it in the office; I’ve heard that could even be frowned upon.
While the excitement of mingling with adults again is palpable, there’s a part of me that feels a twinge of anxiety about leaving my little ones in someone else’s care. The day has finally arrived: I’ve packed my briefcase with the essentials, donned a clean work outfit, and prepared a healthy lunch (sorry, no juice boxes this time). Now, I just have to remember not to say things like, “Thanks for using your manners!”
Wish me luck as I navigate this new chapter!
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Summary:
Rejoining the workforce after being a stay-at-home parent can be daunting. It’s essential to navigate this transition carefully to avoid common pitfalls like treating co-workers like kids or using outdated praise techniques. With a clean slate and a healthy lunch in hand, I’m ready to tackle the challenges ahead.